Bullshit News Investigates: What Is The Clinton Foundation?

Written by Alexander Jones

Bullshit News recently disclosed that Bullshit News received an undisclosed amount of money from an anonymous donor to be funded for Bullshit News’s new investigative series. Bullshit News hired Alexander Jones, a former detective turned investigative journalist to produce original investigations for the public’s benefit. In his recent report, Alexander has discovered shocking truths the public forgot or intentionally ignored from the Clinton Foundation.

 

But before I can begin about the Clinton Foundation, I have to bring up the Supreme company. Supreme is a clothing company based in New York City which is coincidentally in the same city as the main headquarters of the Clinton Foundation. Supreme is a fashion brand company that is well-liked among the 18-35 and 13-18 demographics in America, the same demographics that voted for Hillary more than they did for President Trump. Notice something? Well, I did, so I had to look more into this sinister “Supreme” company that has no affiliation with the Supreme Court.

The Supreme company is one with vague business ties and curious cases of philanthropy that don’t disclose their donors or where the money in the “Supreme” company goes, a curious business model no different at all from the Clinton Foundation. Supreme claims to provide various forms of its brand logo, illustrated by a professional courtroom sketch artist below, in forms of commercial and consumer goods or so they say.

supreme
Logo of Supreme, notice the C. Does it stand for copyright, or the Clinton Foundation?

I traveled to many stores in my nearby shopping goods area, and could not find any store or any product with the “Supreme” logo or related gear anywhere. I looked at every possible store including the massage parlors and hair salons to make sure this so-called fashion product wasn’t some form of illicit propaganda mind control device, or if they were even a real company, to begin with. I wasn’t satisfied with my brazen attempt to find the truth, so I looked up more shopping good supply areas in my nearby big city, Louisville, to find more “Supreme” stores or gear. After spending two more days looking at shopping malls and massage parlors, I could not find any single Supreme-branded device. To make sure I went to every possible business venue in the various areas I traveled to, I even went inside the liberal tourist trap known as “sex stores”. They did not even have, to quote the shopkeeper, “a supreme dildo nor a pair of supreme whips and chains”, whatever those are. It looked like I was out of luck.

Then, I hit a brick wall. Literally. I had to go to the hospital for a few weeks as all the investigation that I was doing regarding the Clinton Foundation stressed me out from the lack of sleep and peripheral awareness from working too hard to find the truth. Once I recovered and left the hospital, I looked at the sun and realized I found the link. The Clinton Foundation, an unscrupulous “philanthropic” organization that gives money to Godless barbaric Islamic terrorists and so-called “street artist hip-hop rappers” to “better and further venture the American public lifestyle”. Those two groups have another major elephant in the room in commonality with each other that doesn’t involve the Clinton Foundations’ money, and that is they are the biggest target audiences for the Supreme corporation. How could this be?

You see, Supreme is nothing more than a commercial front for the Clinton Foundation, which is infamous for its lack of transparency it shares with Supreme. Supreme owns no stores but owns various business ventures throughout America’s biggest cities, allegedly. The Clinton Foundation claims to help a variety of businesses and terrorist organizations but hasn’t been transparent with the specific numbers or even the names and locations of these so-called “businesses” that have received their aid. In my effort to find these numbers, I sent numerous emails to the Clinton Foundation, John Podesta (a name I’ve heard related to both the Clinton Foundation and Supreme), and Hillary Clinton herself. Sadly, I did not get any response back, and I’ve also filed numerous FOIA requests that have all been denied for ominous, unspecified reasons.

I was almost ready to move the issue of the Clinton Foundation into a cold case until I was given a mysterious phone call from an unknown number (according to my callerID device). A man with some form of vocoder called saying he was from an anonymous political front known as “The Carlyle Group” informed me that his political group owned Supreme and “a couple of shares” in the Clinton Foundation and warned me that the Clinton Foundation was a front for more international globalist ideology, an attempt to control the millennial cohort and warned me that if I tried to find Supreme or investigated further then what he just told me, “American soldier lives may be at stake”. As I aggressively inquired for more information, he hung up. Due to the respect of his relatively open nature for a liberal, I have decided to protect this source from public identification. But with the little that he revealed to me has opened a much deeper rabbit hole.

Neglecting that my own life is at a larger risk now than ever before, I found out “The Carlyle Group” owns half of the Supreme Company as a private equity company, a company that specializes in the economic principle of liberty. The Carlyle Group owns or has investments in many entities that allow America to function blissfully like Dunkin Donuts and Kinder Morgan. Their investments in the Clinton Foundation remain relatively minimal at the time of this writing (roughly 3%), backing what Charles Walton, who I deduced by various form of “googling” was my anonymous source, has said about Supreme and the Clinton Foundation.

There wasn’t much more I could find out about the Clinton Foundation beyond this information, but it’s more than enough to see the links between Hillary Clinton’s illicit business connections to her failed attempt at running for president. From my conclusions, it appears that Hillary Clinton wanted to become President of our United States to illicitly profit off of the lives of terrorism and the skateboarders that would vote for her. There is obviously a lot more to this story then what I have reported, so this remains an active case. I have already potentially put a few peoples lives like Charles Walton in danger but that’s the risk I have to take being a fearless investigative journalist living hellbent to uncover the untold truths in our world.

 

If you or someone you love may be a communist, a radical, a socialist, an anarchist, or if you think there is a cabal of elites trying to categorize the world or attempt to dismantle our countries’ unity, you can contact me or Don Kaftan (via donkaftan@bullshitnews.org ) from that email. Every American secret must be unveiled in order to protect our democracy from lurking threats that try to pry liberty from our God-given rights. We deserve to know the truth, we are Americans after all.

Alexander Jones is a fierce investigative journalist dedicating to finding the real truth blurred by the mainstream globalist media. Alexander Jones is a strong advocate for libertarianism, liberty, and raw rib eye steak. In his spare time away from journalism, Alexander enjoys hunting and keyboard/synthesizer music. An animal advocate throughout his life, he currently owns five hunting dogs, two purebred horses, and two cats. Although he is an advocate for the survival of the fittest Darwinism, he is a Pentecostal Christian who always–ALWAYS spends time with Jesus and The Lord on Sundays. 

Socialized Healthcare Will Kill Us All

Written by Gilbert Miser

The fiscally immoral Democrats are not satisfied with their power-hungry hands over the House and have been planning on finding more ways to take out the American population whether it’s by debt, taxes or public humiliation tours by Nancy Catholic Pelosi, Ilhan “The Bigot” Omar, or Barack Hussein Obama. The new generation of Democrats, admitted socialists, have decided to extremify every idea on the Democrat Party platform in order to dismantle our country and make ourselves weaker for Iran to start a war against us. Their latest idea on their extremist platform? Socialized medicine, which would exorbitantly kill more Americans from debt faster than any recession could muster. Allowing socialized healthcare on the population will cause a crisis in our country and may make America susceptible to more than just SARS.

What is socialized healthcare? To put it bluntly, it will raise the cost of all healthcare, including Medicaid and the total failure that is Social Security,  in order to provide “better” healthcare. If you’re a rational adult, you’ll know that the Democratic Socialist argument is riddled with hypocrisy and hyperbole. Firstly, America’s healthcare system is the greatest in the world, if it wasn’t so perfect, it would cost more. The healthcare system in America is reasonably priced and is aimed to be affordable to every American no matter the opportunity cost. In America, we have an economic concept called loans and everyone, including harlots left out to dry in the streets on a busy day, can apply for and be accepted to take out a loan. I know information about loans may be obvious, but Democrats never seem to care about the most marginalized people in our society, and if they cared about poor and/or homeless people, they would raise awareness about loans, if they cared about improving American society to begin with. Socialists argue that healthcare is ‘unaffordable” to those of “disadvantageous economic conditions“, which is a totally ludicrous argument in favor of the financially illiterate. Hospitals are not bankrupting people just to provide Theraflu and brain surgery, they are pillars of society dedicating to making sure people remain alive, and that’s a job that requires a lot of money. So why should governments give hospitals money to provide allegedly “better” healthcare with no evidence supporting their theory? It just doesn’t add up.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez inspired Sandinista-socialists have been advocating for a specific version of socialized health care that aims to increase our tax dollars in the name of socialized healthcare like she has done with the environment with her “Green New Deal”. Her plan is entitled “Medicare for All”, which involves increasing the taxes on everyone so these “economically disadvantaged” types can be entitled to free medicine. But why? We don’t let poor people take food for free, so why should they be entitled to take medicine away from the decent serving folk that doesn’t pollute the government with debt and disease. If poor people want cheaper healthcare, they should work harder, get that promotion at work (if they even work), and take a loan if needed, it’s what they’re there for. It’s not difficult to work hard in America, and if you can work hard in America, you can achieve anything. It’s almost as if socialists have forgotten how the American Dream works, and only focus on the ‘dream’ aspect of prosperity.

All of the most hideous nations in the world, Nazi Germany, Stalin’s USSR, Vietnam, Cambodia, Cuba, China, Yemen, and Albania all have one thing in common aside from housing murderous dictators that control far too much government in their control, and that is their ability to give their citizens socialized healthcare. Liberals will argue that this is “correlation without causation”, a vain attempt to sound like they understand how economics work. These countries offer socialized healthcare in an attempt to poison the citizens of their health, offer fictional remedies that allow infectious conditions to become worse because they don’t obey their nation as much as their government would allow. Prominent Democrats like the America-hating Ilhan Omar desire this form of government over the status quo because if Americans aren’t being poisoned for not voting for the Democratic Party, then they should. It’s another attempt for Democrats to poison the minds of the politically independent (cowards) and collude them into voting for them, and doesn’t make their socialism any different from all the other evil countries listed earlier.

And, although a minor point in the grand argument against socialized healthcare, allowing hospitals to become free will increase the already-long waiting periods to get admitted and treated for whatever ailment plagues them. Once healthcare is “free” or “low-cost” (a buzzword), just about everyone will go to the hospital (which will also turn into a “trendy” area for teenagers to hang out) to be treated of conditions that no one needs to go to the hospital over, like the common cold or vaccinations. And since everyone will be heading to hospitals like a new American pastime, no one will have any time for any medical treatment they would actually need. This will result in more death occurring in hospitals on one day than any single day of the War of Northern Aggression, the bloodiest war in American history. So you see, socialized healthcare will not save more American lives, it will harm much more and create new deadly environments for teenagers to run into an early unfortunate death.

We live in a dangerous new kind of America now, and despite President Trump’s greatest efforts to achieve victory, maximum liberty conditions and political valor, he must challenge the rising tide of socialism and anarchism that has increased over the years from the Democratic Party’s rebellion on itself for not being too radical. This all makes the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, a gigantic threat to the American establishment. Nancy is the center of the Democratic Party and the mouthpiece personification that is the opposition of American norms. Nancy will move this “Medicare for All” socialized healthcare plan forward in another evil attempt to take Republican lives, much like Obama’s authorization of opioids as “pain treatment medicine”. It’s clear that Democrats know nothing about science, medicine, or economics, and should not be seen as arbitrators of justice or intelligence. They present cruel practices to the American people done in linguistically clever phrases and sayings in order to attack Americans at their most vulnerable, in an evil attempt to get people to vote against Republicans. Shame on Nancy Pelosi, and shame on her new socialist friends that want Americans poisoned and wait a very long time period to be treated by their poison.

Gilbert Miser is the Bullshit News financial and economics correspondent. His billionaire parents both died under mysterious circumstances when he was two. As the only child, he inherited all of their wealth and became the youngest multi-billionaire in the whole world. He was formerly a major broker with Lehman Brothers and MF Broker before retiring from the banking industry to become a part-time writer for Bullshit News. He owns a Yorkie named “Gunner” in a Manhattan condo.

The Green New Deal Is The Democratic Party’s First Step Towards Creeping Socialism

Written by Roger Goodmen

With the rise of socialism in the United States, our very livelihood of a traditional American society is fading quickly. Sinister Socialists like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Senator Ed Markey have proposed a bill aimed at curbing freedom and liberty for the benefit of pernicious solar power companies that want to overtake the energy industry by the government’s hand. Since the Solar Industry failed us before from Obama’s Solyndra Enterprise and Bill Clinton’s Monica Lewinski corporation, Democrats have been hellbent in trying to rid America of our beloved and historic coal, natural gas and oil corporations. These companies have employed millions upon millions of people, and evil socialists like Bernie Sanders want to destroy their careers in a prized historic field. Democrats only care to see America crumble, and implementing their “Green New Deal” would be the first step towards America’s decline.

What the “Green New Deal” entails, outside of raising taxes on everyone in the country in the name of “economic inequality”, is the destruction of the oil-powered energy grid, reducing America’s steel emissions, and forcing the American train industry to laboriously implement more train tracks in America in order to “Euro-fy” the country. Among many other nefarious acts of regulation Democrats want to impose, this supposed bill would change America’s culture for years to come, for the worst. If America were to become more like Europe, it would require America to have fewer walls, which is against the main interest of the American public. America needs more walls, that was one of the main reasons President Donald Trump was elected to begin with. An America without walls is like a steak cooked well done, it’s not the America I used to know.

Thankfully the Senate is still controlled by the one party in America that cares about the common man: The Republican Party. The Republicans know what the Democrats are trying to concoct is pure hippie nonsense influenced by the rise of “marijuana” in the country. America is not a drug country, and many of the ideas purposed in the “economic stimulus package” for the Green New Deal are dope-influenced ideas created by tenured political science professors at lower-tier universities that desperately need a pay raise. The Obama Regime was filled with many of these policy wonks that led America towards a creeping socialist country filled with “individual mandates”, which was the Obama elitist expression for a tax increase penalty to those that don’t subscribe to his socialized healthcare plan. Democrats have many reasons to be nostalgic for Obama, but implementing any more ideas from his agenda will result in a cerebral hemorrhage onto the country. Republicans, the elephants of America known for their long memory and ivory, know that the Green New Deal is really a sequel to Obamacare, and implementing it will result in the destruction of the America Dream as we know it for the middle and working class.

Why would the Democrats want to implement a bill that has no realistic chance of going through the Senate, let alone the President’s busy desk, remains uncertain. From my calculations and analysis, it’s implied that if the mainstream media runs a headline with “Green New Deal fails in the Senate”, it will make it appear like Republicans don’t care about agriculture, which is egregiously false. There remains an agenda that the Democratic Party has with the Green New Deal that lies with shaming and guilt-tripping the Republican Party to install a new wave of taxation across America in order for “their children to see the future”, which leads to my main point.

Bullshit News has in the past debunked the myth of a man named “Al Gore” attempting to destroy our economy in the name of “the environment” or “Global Warming” or the other broadly named “Climate Change”. The Green New Deal is a similar, but more socialist effort to corrode the hard-working American economy. Global Warming was supposedly a threat to America in the mid-2000s, yet America and the majority of the Planet are still here. If Global Warming were really such a threat, how come our species haven’t been extinct yet? Why hasn’t this “Al Gore” character-actor shown up in public for the last dozen years or so? It’s all part of an elaborate ruse by the Democratic Party in order to increase taxes on every person in America so that they could increase their own paychecks. The Green New Deal is full of earmarks and pig barrel spending to benefit the Democratic Party’s biggest donors at the expense of their most vulnerable, which to be fair has been the Democratic Party’s agenda for as long as human history has been recorded about the United States of America.

Beware of the “Green New Deal”, it will not make America or planet Earth any greener, and there are no guarantees in the bill about making America “green” again. The only thing green about this bill is the money the Democrat’s biggest donors and elitists will collect if such a bill passes. America has never been a country for elites, and it needs you to stand up and protest this vile bill. If the Democrats keep corrupting their country in ways that haven’t been seen in any nation since Machiavelli’s The Prince, they might as well just get what they want. And if the Democratic Party gets what they want, socialism, we might as well just as be dead just like the Democratic Party’s fantasies regarding Global Warming.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.

The “Resistance” Is A Phony Russian Lie

Written By Carlos Gutierrez

It is no secret a large percent of Americans, patriotic or otherwise, do not like our current commander-in-chief, our President, Donald J. Trump. Certain officials in the government have been accused of committing nefarious government misconduct and ethical mishaps, but every administration falls to this. It’s natural, it’s politics. There have been polls in the mainstream media that allegedly assume that President Donald Trump is widely unpopular, but all polls in the media reflect the past and not the present. And the present is what ultimately matters when it comes to presidential favorability. Did polls save Albania from total communism and the USSR? They did not. So let’s talk about the “Resistance” movement and their history associated with the Flat Earth movement.

The “Resistance” propaganda movement is created and organized by young Russian internet “trolls” called the Internet Research Agency that want to make President Donald Trump appear unnaturally unpopular so that immorberal Democrats and so-called “Never Trumpers”, ex-GOP members that refused to pledge loyalty towards the President,  can criticize the president openly in public and in opinion columns without fear. As with most Russian nonsense, what are these so-called people “resisting”? Donald Trump has only opened more entries towards freedom under his presidency, including tax cuts, and are we supposed to assume this “large number” of Resisters are not paying taxes in order to attempt a coup d’etat on the American government? Fat chance, Russia! This is one but many tricks the Internet Research Agency acts on to benefit Russia and try and steal American liberty.

As we bring up the Internet Research Agency, it is only right that we at Bullshit News must share an ethical disclaimer: The Internet Research Agency has attacked Bullshit News in the past, claiming that Bullshit News supports the Flat Earth movement in an effort to prove that our website is not loyal enough towards the American government, and invalidates NASA’s accomplishments in kicking Soviet ass in the 1960s under President Nixon. None of the stories regarding Bullshit News as a primary source or any source for “Flat Earth” news is false. We are a patriotic site for proud Americans, and the first such site available on the World Wide Web. The Internet Research Agency was founded earlier this decade. We have no affiliation or coordination with communism and teenaged “trolls”.

Other phony goals of the “Resistance” movement involve a desire to elect American socialist Bernie Sanders into office so that he may support the Russian government in an effort to bring America many new ice cream flavors, an action of outsourcing American jobs for brain-numbing socialism. Among other, more well-known issues on their platform involve the removal of the Immigration Customs Enforcement agency, raise taxes for everyone, and the installation of guillotines in every downtown American city or suburb. Their radical and ridiculous platform has caught the eye of the prized political market demographic of 18-35-year-olds, and captivated their attention, but not for too long. The 18-35 demographic group’s trends fluctuate wildly, and socialism can be viewed as a thing of the past for young urban professionals according to my analysis.

There is no coincidence that the “Flat Earth” movement has propped up at the same time as the “Resistance” movement. They are two projects under the same umbrella of the Russian government’s attempt to prevent capitalism from being the dominant social paradigm. Their long lost tradition of communism has prevented them from ever accepting even some of the most essential and common sense tenets of capitalism. Simply put, Russia cannot and ever will assimilate to the modern world. All Russia has is propaganda, and that’s more than enough to pretend to sow turmoil in America and give President Trump a hard time in the White House.

President Trump has done his best to counter Russia propaganda experts by meeting Vladimir Putin and telling him to stop his efforts, and according to President Trump, Putin did listen. Where do you see these “Resistance” people in public anyway? They are only an online digital presence, which makes it appear that Russia’s effort to create discord in America has failed. There is no Resistance, as everyone has enabled Donald Trump to become one of the best presidents America has ever elected. But expect this “Resistance” movement to prop up again anytime this year or next year, as the Internet Research Agency will ramp up its efforts to undermine President Trump and move America closer towards communism under Bernie “Supporter of the Sandinistas” Sanders.

Carlos Gutierrez is the Bullshit News correspondent on Criminal Justice Issues, Immigration, and Russian Propaganda. He was born in Corpus Christi, Texas and is as American as you or anyone else that isn’t Irish or Italian. Devoted to his local Catholic Church, Carlos is an active member of his community and goes to church every Sunday, before the Cowboys game. Carlos worked on the 2016 Ted Cruz presidential campaign before coming to Bullshit News.

Is The Democratic Party Colluding With China? (Yes They Absolutely Are)

Written by Dan Shapiro

For too long, the Democratic Party has been accusing President Donald Trump of being a criminal with sinister ties towards the Russian government, which has long been jealous of the United States of America’s sheer might and our powerful and robust Democracy. These supposed “collusion” ties have never been proven in a court of Law or God, so it’s foolhardy to talk any further about Russia. But there remains a billion person elephant in the room for Democrats, only it’s not India. It’s China, a communist threat to the United States since 1949, and has usurped the USSR as America’s #1 threat. And yet, no Democrat including crypto-liberal Howard Schultz attempting to run for president in 2020 against Donald Trump have brought up China, just Russia, Russia, Russia.

If you ask me for an objective analysis, I think the Democratic Party is either scared of China or maybe they’ve been implementing conspiracy theories to the mainstream media about Donald Trump’s supposed “collusion” efforts towards Russia as a means to distract you, the average everyday ordinary American, from knowing about how Communist China funds the Democratic Party and its leaders to give them political life and support? Think about it. Remember when President Trump instituted a trade war with China nearly a year ago, and how every Democrat uniformly opposed Trump’s actions without any principals or seriously investigated and opposed the matter? It was a warning shot fired by President Trump to tell China to stop colluding with the Democratic Party, as well as a symbolic sign to the international world that America is still the #1 producer of liberty and the greatest economic force in the known universe, much to China’s dismay on how the world really works.

Despite China’s communist ties, they’ve had tastes of capitalism and enjoyed it. Some expert analyses on mainstream media websites like The Federalist and Breitbart don’t even know how to quantify China. They trade with America to make cheap goods for us but at the same time, they support and uphold the Communist Party, a natural enemy of not just the Republican Party, but also to the American people. The Democratic Party’s silence on China is loudly deafening. Barack Hussein Obama never gave China a hardline stance towards our goods, allowing Communist China’s nefarious debt continue to climb higher levels, threatening America’s world-renowned number one liberty producing status. It was a matter of time before China would strike us before we would need to strike them.

Military wise, it’s a good idea not to invade China. Not for any political purposes, but just because that region of the world has some seriously bad juju to it. China has so many people, that it would require a draft in order to seriously think of winning the war. They are largely defensive, and would rather retaliate by continuing this trade war. Because of this effort, President Trump has saved countless lives over and over by tweeting himself a humble standard no other president has done before him, which we have provided to you via laminated telegram message:

“Don’t be involved in a land war on some other continent in the name of America and probably extra so in the winter – Sun Tzu #DeepThoughts #MAGA”

And with all of this the Democratic Party, not once, have applauded President Trump for his humanitarian efforts to not blow China into smithereens. In fact, the Democratic Party have only remained silent about China, continuing to blabber about Russia having some sort of mind control device on President Trump or whatever.

The next time you confront a liberal into a debate, just bring up China. Chances are, they are confused about their own opinions about it, will pretend not to know where China is on a map, and give you an unrealistic, typical Democrat non-answer. The largest open secret in American politics is the Democratic Party’s payola from Communist China, and somehow no one wants to talk about it. It’s time to let the whole American world know.

 

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on American Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.

Soccer Is A Colonialist Communist “Sport” That Aims To Radicalize The Youth

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

It has come to the forefront of my foresight that many of the children these days no longer play football, that is the football both you and I know as the forearm-flinging of the pigskin on the football field. No, today’s children in America are no longer playing football because of some so-called “safety concerns” when helmets and pads are readily available in stores for use to play football. These children raised by their liberal millennial parenting prefer to play a new, emerging popular sport called “Football“, as they call it in Europe and other countries, which is appropriately demonized here in America as “Soccer“. More immorberal parenting has forced children to play soccer instead of football in a vain attempt to prevent injuries and concussions, which are not even fatal enough to warrant serious attention to the NFL. Liberals are actively making our children weaker, not stronger so that they can be susceptible to Godless Islamic Barbarianism and other evil forms of euro-colonialism and to destroy our country from within.

So what is this radical sport of “soccer”, and what is its appeal toward the youth? For one, you are not allowed to use your arms in the sport, unless you are the “goalkeeper”. This is absurd, football, baseball, basketball and even the Canadian sport of hockey aren’t stupid enough to prevent the use of arms in order to move your body in a sport. What this really means is that kids are taught to learn that their arms are useless and unneeded, a dangerous moral. What the Sandinistas are hiding from us and their “soccer sport” is preventing kids from developing upper body strength, which can allow them to properly fire a sporting rifle and not unintentionally injure a nearby pedestrian or parent. These instructions are important for children so they can learn to grow and become an able-bodied adult. If our weak and infantile offspring can’t defend for themselves, how can they raise children to continue the circle of life? Celebrating “soccer” allows a dangerous risk that may lead to the decline of the American Empire or Western Civilization. Making children play “soccer” is not worth any attempts by other, weaker world leaders in taking down America’s grasp on the world.

The sinister globalist-minded organization that helps promote this “soccer” brand/sport is known as FIFA. FIFA is much like OPEC, only they hold “soccer” events and don’t actively lobby for you hopeful and God-fearing Americans to increase the price of oil, toilet paper, and gas. FIFA is about as corrupt as the Democratic Party, being involved in RICO scandals as well as the ordinary money laundering. Ask for yourself, is this really the best organization that my kids should learn about their athleticism? I would much rather let my great-great-grandchildren play for a noble sports organization like the NCAA, MLB, or the NFL before they associate themselves with a RICO/Democratic Party collusion effort to take down America two arms at a time.

The vile effects of Soccer have been waning on America throughout the 21st century. Soccer may have been involved with the decline of children participating in baseball, which the whole world knows is America’s pastime. Baseball views on the television have been dropping every year while “MLS”, a FIFA-influenced racketeering operation focused in the United States, has been improving their ratings and drawing in more advertising and sponsorships, marking its economic threat in our country. America is already becoming different then the America I remembered growing up as a child in the  1910’s and 20’s, and if soccer overtakes baseball by the time I head to the grave, I will not believe this country can ever recover from such economic colonialism. Any money given towards the FIFA/OPEC giants is revenue lost in America that would be better suited to fund more sporting stadiums/complexes. If we start building more “soccer” stadiums over football fields, it will mark the beginning of the end of this great American empire.

No matter what your child believes is right about the sport of soccer, they are wrong. Do not allow your child to become a soldier for FIFA’s hands and be turned into a Sandinista. Protect our children for tomorrow, and say no for soccer and say yes to a real American sport like Football. Protect our children from communism, OPEC, and Godless Barbaric Islamic Invaders and ensure that your child does not start kicking around a volleyball while being thrown yellow and red flags by a zebra-striped whistle-blowing Sandinista.

 

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.