We Shall Never Forget 9/11 For The 18th Year In A Row

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-in-Chief, and Founder of Bullshit News

My fellow Americans,

I remember where I was when the terrorists crashed the first plane into the first WTC tower. I, like my fellow patriots, was mystified on how a pilot could fail to take off at JFK airport so drastically that he could crash into Tower A. Then we saw the second plane hit Tower B, and that’s when combating terrorism (and subsequently, the Godless Islamic Barbarians) became a much bigger threat to America than the crack cocaine that the Democrats were sending to the inner cities. I still get those nostalgic chills when that second plane hit the tower, and sometimes send me such an ire that makes me want to put down the keyboard and kill those socialist Al-Qaeda groups that were responsible for the mass murder of about 3,000 Americans. But instead, I channel my anger into destroying the mainstream media ecosystem that flourishes on liberal attitudes and socialists mindsets.

That is why we celebrate 9/11, not for what happened, but for how it inspired me and my fellow Americans to fight the true evil America was born to kill: terrorism. Terrorism harbors many faces, often these faces are Democratic Party members, but they extend to any pernicious “counterculture”-like threat to the status quo. Anyone that deviates from the accepted norm is suspicious in the eyes of the common God-fearing American citizen. Which is why we commemorate 9/11 and learn to fight our battles everyday, political or otherwise, we must conquer the evil that threatens our country, and the combatants that want us all dead for being American.

Don’t forget to thank a veteran, they are the nervous system of American. And always, always, vote Republican.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

 

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

The So-Called ‘Evolution Theory’ Is A Liberal Conspiracy Theory Designed To Dismantle Small-Town America

Written By Pavel Shostakovich

Greetings my fellow Americans of good Republican nature that are fruitfully fertile. I remember when my ancestors fled the USSR under the reign of Stalin in the 1950s to enjoy the much-sought-after “American Dream”. They went to the one-state they felt was most comfortable to them weather-wise, Wisconsin. They were aware of the lies that are California, they knew it was all too similar to the evils of the USSR with their Moonbeam governor and their pernicious universities in Berkeley and San Francisco. They knew what made America great were the small towns, the heartland, or as the evil far-left pundits at Breitbart call it, “Heartland America”. Small-town America is not the “Heartland America”, it is America. To suggest otherwise is unfactual.

On that small farm in Wisconsin where I was conceived, I learned real American values and discovered supermarkets twenty years before Gorbachev did and worked the blue-collar jobs like lobbying and alcohol industry. My father worked in multiple steel mills and my mother in a couple coal mines starting when she was 12. They worked in rough, laborious jobs which would make them miserable and get stale bread in the USSR, but in America, they lived in comfort and ate bread with garlic.

My point is, small-town America gave my family hope and inspiration, whereas cities like New York, Seattle and Chicago would spit on them and force my family to live in an uncomfortable apartment next to some overly talkative and intrusive man named “Newman” or “Kramer”. The perceptions people have on small-town Americans are vapid and meaningless, especially the portrayals of West Virginia in Mainstream Media culture. They call Iowa, “field of dreams” and “flyover county” because it appears boring on the outside. Well, have you looked at planet Earth from Google Maps? It looks boring on the outside too, but we are all a “small-town America” in the galaxy, nay, the universe we live in. We should not be making fun of others no matter the size of their local nation, state, or country. Although Crimea had it coming.

The “Evolutionary Theory” is the theory taught in many Big-City American Towns that we come from the monkeys and not through a divine command and/or will from Our Lord. The small-towns in America know better and are good-natured in understanding the world was put together from God and his son Jesus. They willed the world with morality, which is where humanity ergo man, scientifically known as the “Homo Sapien” truly began. All those before His Command were neanderthals, and nothing more. Once morality was implemented, society began via The Roman Empire (later Byzantium) and Greece. The big city schools refuse to learn the real way mankind was conceived and instead force their children to learn the jargon of Charles Darwin and other Nancy Pelosi-inspired nonsense.

But alas, my expertise involves America’s relationship with Europe and not just small-town America, despite it being my background. But I am tired of Mainstream Media publications trying to disregard the America that I come from. It’s disgraceful and ethical of these so-called CNN-inspired journalists to say defaming statements that small-town America is “irrelevant” or “invalidates the Electoral College”. America began as a small-town, and as they say here that we should never “forget our roots”. It appears to me that these journalists forgot that we are a country of immigrants, not ignorant immigrants. I remember my parents fought tooth and nail to escape Stalin’s purges or when my father got his neck screwed off in a steel mill malfunction incident that the Carter Administration-influenced regulations impacted him. Big city Americans influenced those decisions and I can never forgive them, which is why I always vote Republican.

The “Evolution Theory” was invented to divide America toward the state where it is today, where liberals are free to claim the President cannot do what he is rightly able to under Executive Privilege. One part of America will listen to the President proudly while the other part refuses to comply and be patriotic to our wonderful Dream-inspired country. It is a shame the big city Americans don’t understand how much freedom they live in, but as a small-town American, I do.

Pavel Shostakovich is the Bullshit News correspondent reporting on Russian, European, and Euro-American Affairs. He is a naturalized American citizen whose parents escaped Communist tyranny in Russia, AND NOT BELARUS. Pavel studied political science at the University of Pennslyvania and is a member of the Federalist Society. He is a part-time European Policy Czar for the Donald Trump Administration.

Is President Donald Trump Not Only One Of The Greatest Presidents Of All Time, But Could He Be God?

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

President Donald Trump accepted praise from a significant holy pastor whose rank is higher than my own, Wayne Allyn Root. To keep his description neatly brief, he is able to communicate to God with a much higher profile. Now longtime faithful readers of the Bullshit News know that I, too, can speak to God unlike some other mear “pastor” or “priest” or “Imam”. Don’t get me started on those “rabbis” and their ribbiting.

Holy Pastor Root proclaims that God declared President Trump from his latest revelation that was communicated via the medium of Twitter: “Jewish people in Israel love him…. like he’s the King Of Israel. They love him like he’s the Second Coming Of GOD“. And if Wayne Allyn Root is my superior in my field, to say in Republican terms, then he must be correct. And as Donald Trump continues to Make America Great Again, it appears to be that he has made America, and consequently Israel, into the most divine and blessed areas on Earth. Thus, with the almighty power that President Donald Trump has, is he God? I will do the science and thinking for you to read and ponder.

For you see, President Trump has made his initial iconic promise which is to “Make America Great Again”. Yes, it may be a broad goal or ambition to achieve something which may not bluntly appear on a political platform, but Jesus Christ (of Nazareth) also ran on similar principles when he wanted to be a priest. And, like Jesus, Donald Trump has never lost an election or business venture. When Jesus was allegedly defying God, he was persecuted and sentenced to death. When Donald Trump was allegedly defying God, in the eyes of mass media and The Daily Caller, he was persecuted more-so then Christ (as Jesus of Nazareth did not live in an era where “social media” existed more than cave paintings) and half of the country, unpatriotic and not wavering to Democracy as much as they ought to, want him dead. Aside from the era of technology we live in, this analysis is spot-on and explains how America is working today.

The Democrats have often engaged in anti-Christ behavior and ideology, which is no surprise to many of you faithful readers of Bullshit News. But sometimes we need to say the obvious out loud (…or rather type it out loud) because of the centrists and moderates that are as uncertain in ideology as they are people are unaware of the Democratic Party’s tricks when it comes to taking over America via radical ideologies like socialism. God, like Donald Trump, was also persecuted by the very own people he claimed were “chosen” to receive “his book”. What God also shares in personality is his breviloquence in ideology. God and President Trump don’t need to orate essays onto the masses that are too busy watching the TV on their smartphones, they know the brevity of their words is what gives them their power. The New Testament and The Art Of The Deal are about the same length words-wise and both can be finished in the same amount of time, the only difference between the two books is the slightly more modern language found in TAOTD.

But Holy Pastor Root’s revelations have been a source of controversy from, you guessed it, the Democratic Party. DNC activists like Joe Biden and John Delaney have called one of the greatest pastors in American history “blasphemous” and “an act against God” as if these democrats have ever once stepped into church and talked to God, let alone ever studied a day of theology in their lives! How could these incompetent and potentially impotent men ever claim they know the words of the Lord if they act rebelliously against Christ? They know nothing, like all Democrats, but they have the audacity to claim they are at a higher level with God then pastors like Wayne Root and me.

Blasphemy aside, Pastor Root also gave word that President Trump, according to God and his best friend Jesus Christ, will be the one to save us from the apocalypse and Hell from appearing on Earth (aside from Albania). Heretics from the DNC will be burned on the cross soon enough, for when the moment the apocalypse will finally start, no one will be spared unless they are Christian (as the Bible dictates). Upon my own experiences on reading the Bible for the 187,325th time in my lifetime, I can assure you that anyone God-fearing, Christian, and Republican will be saved for the most part, but any Democrat that claims they are with Christ yet supports socialism and/or various other evil ideologies, they will not be spared. This includes Jews.

And once Trump was nominated to be the leading nominee for the Republican Party back in 2016, I was all but certain that if the apocalypse were about to happen (which it nearly did under the Barack Obama regime), the GOP would find a way to save us with a real Christian to help prevent the worst from happening. And among all the GOP nominees in 2016, President Trump was the one that was THE MOST Christian of ALL of them, the most pious, and righteously the one with the most patriotic fervor to care and uphold American values that are explicitly stated in the constitution. And as President Trump saves us from the apocalypse on November 8th, 2016, a feat bigger than anything Jesus ever truly did, is when I initially began to ponder, is Donald Trump actually greater than God himself (for what he has done to our country)?

President Trump on the outside may not appear to be a humble man, but his belief and devotion to Christ and God are strong on the inside. President Trump, like God, does not play games (unless it’s golf every now and then), but they rule similarly. While Democrats engage in blasphemy and oppose any sort of bipartisan legislation meant to better the country, And while the Democratic Party cannot wait to usher in the apocalypse and the end of the world as we know it, President Donald Trump will be here to stand guard and defend Christianity from not only the Godless Islamic Barbarians and Jewish Inquistadors, but to defend America as commanded from the Lord himself. So when it comes to the “Greatest Presidents Of All Time”, there’s only one president who was literally commanded by God to run this country, and his name is Donald Trump.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Scientologists, excluding Druids. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

China Is Trying To Destroy American Democracy To Death With Taxes

Written by Sid Phyllis

On August 5th, 2019, the DOW plunged by 875 points as China announced they would devalue their currency as per agreement with the Democratic Party (DNC).  Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and Queen of The Democrats who ordered the hit, has long desired to see America be crushed to allow China to control the world’s affairs. Wacky Nancy first received fame in the Democrat Party as being the mayor of San Francisco with “Ending American Supremacy For The Greater Good Of The World [sic]”. These attacks are coordinated and have been planned since as far as George W. Bush Administration and up to The Obama Regime. The recent economic status quo is a terrorist attack coordinated by the leaders of the House and, according to confidential sources, Al-Qaeda, the DNC’s best friend since 2001.

But August 5th wasn’t the only time Democrats attempted to sabotage the economy. On August 23rd, the Federal Reserve, a long-time independent financial institution of the United States Dollar and supporter of American Freedom and Liberty, attempted to circumvent the president by pretending the economy is not as stellar as markets dictated in August. Donald Trump just happened to be giving a speech an hour after the Federal Reserve PR people gave their speech about the economy or whatever or what have you. President Trump went on a bold endeavor to attack the correlation between the DNC and China by also suggesting that any company that is currently doing business with China or the Chinese government, in part because of the danger companies like Huawei pose against American counter-intelligence and American Democracy.

The mainstream media folks at Breitbart and the far-left socialist outlet The Daily Caller will mention the reason the stock market is down because of the on-going trade war America has with China, but that is only a small percent of the reason. Sure, tariffs can increase the cost of goods which can lower purchasing power that makes the stock market go down, but there are far more elements at play here, like China. Where did China come from, and why have they grown so much in power that they want to disintegrate our country with communism. And yet, China should not be as big and powerful as they are now. Their president is Winnie The Poo, how could China be intimidating with that folksy br’er rabbit as president? The answer involves more actors at play than Pelosi and her political conglomerate.

Since the Democrats have taken the House, they have refused to work or coordinate with the president for longer than five minutes. The DNC needlessly whines and complains about the nature and business of American Supremacy, and can’t even find a bipartisan compromise with President Trump regarding issues with The Wall, allowing additional access to guns for education, or even an issue as simple as abortion. It’s simple to deduct that Democrats don’t like working together to better help America, and want to eradicate Madisonian Democracy for good, a common goal they share with China. The trade war with China has just escalated, which didn’t happen when the Republicans controlled the House before 2018. Coincidence? Not at all, it’s an intentional political set-up by those that are least faithful with our constitution: the socialists at the DNC.

Now I understand I might be repeating myself a couple times in this article, but if you can’t catch the repetition then I can’t help you explain why Democrats want to corrode our society with catchy socialism slogans like “Abolish ICE” or “Green New Deal“. But these buzzwords are more than just “catchy socialism slogans”, they are attempts to control the narrative that America is not great, or could actually afford to be even greater than how great America is already great at being great, but isn’t currently at capacity to do so. The rhetoric the Democratic Party has is toxic and dangerously anti-conforming to our wonderful Capitalist society the founding fathers and (assumingly) your ancestors have also worked hard and had to kill many a communist so that we can peacefully shoot the breeze and enjoy IPAs on our bodega beach houses or whatever people do with their spare time these days ignoring to face reality and “logging onto” their computer mobile devices to play farming/candy games about Souls Cycling.

My point is this, China is one of the biggest players on the world stage, and they want to be the top dog in the world. China knows that to undermine America and become the greatest force on the planet, they need to help the Democratic Party have power and make sure the Democrats become more socialist and ergo, communist. Once the DNC is communist or socialist-led, China will begin to invade America while the DNC leaders will pretend that everything’s fine and that we should obey our new leaders with names in different fonts and letters, and so on. The DNC actively engages in anti-American ideology in order to gain voters in the saddest and pathetic ways our Democracy has ever been exploited. If we don’t stand up to protect America in the voting booth in 2020, China surely will.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We just heard about the rumblings going on in Hong Kong, which is almost in China but not quite, but still sort of is tangled with China but their government is focused on state’s rights in contrast to China’s totalitarian communist regime. We support the fighters in Hong Kong as they try to recreate Democracy over Winnie The Poo. Be strong, Hong Kong!

Sid Phyllis is the Bullshit News correspondent in political/foreign affairs (other) and our White House Correspondent. Sid grew up in Chicago and got sick of living in the big city and moved into a rural blue-collar state where the real America is. Instead of going to some elite four-year college, he started a consulting firm in Wyoming (Donovan and Phyllis Firm, or DP Firm) that quickly became the #1 best firm in the state. Sid joined Bullshit News for his qualifications in understanding how the REAL Blue-Collar Americans think.

God Needs More Money

Written by Pastor John Mathewson

Hello, faithful and loyal readers of the Bullshit News, it is I, your honorable pastor, John Mathewson. I only wish to communicate with you, the noble Republican reader directly, because the issue that is at hand is beyond compelling through comprehension on what is happening in the world we desire and pray for on a Sunday to Sunday basis.

I have just received a vision from God, and it turns out our holy deity that despises the Islamic religion and the other one with the “yamulkes”, have really hit dire straits. Believe me, believe God, believe in Best Buddy Jesus Christ because Heaven is attempting to construct an all-new Telecommunications and Multimedia Broadcast Network to help all of us Christian humans have better communications for this multi-billion dollar corporation in the sky.

For you see, a great and all-powerful man named God runs and operates this multi-billion corporation called Heaven, and the upkeep for Heaven’s costs are astronomically high. If you were to keep taxing God like this, the banks would run and control heaven while forcing God to foreclose and bankrupt his for-prophet organization. But if you are dumb you must be asking yourself one question, “What is a bank?”

If you really are this dumb, I can assist. Banks are places where there are tons of money stored. The money just sits there, doing absolutely nothing, untouched by government or man, but just by the bank itself. This is the money God needs to start constructing a modern and enhanced Telecommunications and Multimedia Broadcast Network in Heaven, as well as helping a nephew of a family friend of ours in church, Erik Prince operate Academi, a peacekeeping Christian diplomatic organization that helps the Godless Islamic Barbarians in the Middle East on understanding The Bible.

Giving your money directly to God is quite a difficult thing to do, which is why pastors, priests, and all the others are exchequers of God. Each and every one of us have proper rules regarding finances and avoiding usury from corrupting our souls. But I must bring up the banks again in our conversation, they are also closed on Sundays, which is ridiculous. All of that money in all of those vacant-on-Sundays lots would be better suited in the House of the Lord!

Does anyone know how expensive it is to install a perfectly functional Telecommunications and Multimedia Broadcast Network up in Heaven while also quality-assuring and sound-checking the infrastructure once it’s all set up so that God can help process in more lost souls into Heaven while upgrading the media operations for better audio and visual clarity to better boost performance? How else could banks help this out without giving their money on over to us? The thought process is absurd and depressing. We are making God’s work in vain by not helping him out. Thoughts and prayers will not help us here, only financing.

That is why I ask you, faithful and pure Bullshit News viewers and endorsers, who are already not financing Bullshit News, to finance Bullshit News eventually but not right this moment. God’s work is much more important and requires much more precision and accuracy. We all think of God in dark times, and truth be told friends, God thinks he is in hard times due to a large amount of financing left to be told to start the initial process of Heaven’s Telecommunication and Multimedia Broadcast Network system. Please, don’t think of us (just yet), think of God, and how he helps you. And his son Jesus who did his thing and yadda yadda yadda you all understand and hear it every day just like me.

Help them, help me, but most importantly help God, who was/is them. God needs more money, contact your local pastor or priest or otherwise Christian Messenger for more explicit inquiry on how you can help God today, and tomorrow.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Black Israelites, excluding Agnostics. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

RUMOR: President Trump To Issue Executive Order To Turn Grand Canyon Into Multiple Golf Courses And Five-Star Resorts

Written by Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

Citing internal sources within the White House, President Trump has declared he is tired of the eyesore that is the Grand Canyon (located somewhere in Arizona) and would desire one of America’s formerly great national parks would be better suited for golfers rather than “the mole people” that live in the region along with the “amount of Natives waiting to make a profit off their land.” These comments were leaked to the media by the far-left Mainstream Media operatives known as the “Daily Caller”.

President Trump held a rally nearby the Grand Canyon in Flagstaff, AZ where he further elaborated his comments to high praise, “Have you seen the Grand Canyon? It’s such an eyesore, there’s nothing to do. It’s not like Lake Tahoe with their geysers and those deer with antlers that roam around freely on to traffic then BAM! Lots of blood, blood was everywhere in fact. So gruesome yet thrilling. Much better looking than Janet Reno.”

The Grand Canyon is a national landmark that is 277-mile long canyon and 18 miles wide which, like Canada, is a barren wasteland that has no natural resources to squander for. President Trump is correct in his assertions, as there is nothing useful about the land the Grand Canyon currently occupies, it could be improved by adding in a five-star hotel, a couple of resorts, 3-5 golf courses, maybe a mini-golf resort and movie theater for the kids, and perhaps a few Bed and Breakfasts for the impoverished travelers. All of these ideas won’t cover the entire Grand Canyon, but it’s a fresh start to what’s already not there. Arizona can certainly use the money to fund the border and by executing this gameplan, they can make money back on it too.

Many Democrats and African-American Supremacists have opposed this plan, calling it “unnatural” to make capitalism happen in one of the most boring places on Earth, let alone in the United States of America. Enron and Shell cannot do anything in the region for there is no oil to extract, and the coal industry in America is not strong enough in Arizona to justify more coal plants in the region. The next best thing is to make the area as luxurious as possible, for the Grand Canyon now is just a waste of real estate that would be in better hands of the Trump Administration and not some burrower humans.

It’s high time for Arizona to step up their GDP and prove to be a state that cares for Americans and doesn’t get sucked up by the liberal left coast corruption that is Washington, Oregon, and California. If Trump has considered selling Alaska to cut off the national debt, then major Grand Canyon modifications are also strongly possible. Aside from being a border state meant to protect us from them, Arizona can improve in many ways and cutting their losses with the so-called “Grand Canyon” would be the best way to start helping Make America Great Again. Let us commend President Trump for his bold, brave and modestly unconventional ventures to improve our country and make us dominant in the world’s affairs once again.

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.