What Is The Point Of Canada?

Written by Roger Goodmen

Canada is better known today as a colossal waste of land that neither the UK nor America can agree on who should “own” Canada. As a result, the Canadian wilderness is a vicious liberal cesspool of French people, hippies, ice, penguins, and whatever the hell “Saskatchewan” is. I’m pretty sure that’s not a word, but it is, in fact, a “province”, which means a lesser and lamer version of a state. Trying to understand Canada is like interpreting another language, which no true American has time for. So this begs the question, what is the point of Canada?

Perhaps Canada has oil, but if that were true America would claim the entire country by the federally sanctioned policy known as “manifest destiny”. Canada has no true natural resources that would make such an inhospitable icy-French hippie hell worthy of being an American state (or something much worse, California’s queer husband). American lives are not worth dying in the name to take over a maple syrup barren wasteland. Absorbing Canada’s GDP would not be worth the lives of our hard-working veterans that deserve to be glorified in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus would weep at Canada, seeing all that land being used for absolutely nothing. These are the only reasonable assertions I could understand as to why America would not “invade Canada”. The terrain would be arduous for American soldiers to kill Canadian mooses, hippies, and their French people.

The United Kingdom has the burden of “owning” Canada the same way America has Guam. There would be reasonable inferences for seeing how the UK would use Canada to attack America, which they have previously done before in their failure to strike the U.S. from the War of 1812. But the UK is dealing with its own turmoil, with Brexit and the Godless Islamic Heathens breeding all over England, they cannot focus on Canada. So they gave those reds autonomy, which is why the first announcements for Prime Ministers go to India to initiate their bid to run for Canadian high office. It is a delusional clueless country for liberal ex-pats to run away from all their troubles in a Freedom-loving country. Hence their population of French, Eskimos, and hippie-stoners. All best known for quitting and laziness more than anything else.

There is no reason for Canada to exist. I can’t name a single thing, aside from bagged milk and Communism, I could get in Canada that I could not get in America. Canada is such a wasteland because of their communist policies led in place by their current Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. He exists to go on Obama-like apology tours and get a free check from the Queen. I cannot think of a better example of welfare then Mr. Trudeau, who has contributed nothing to his local economy and doesn’t even have a golf course in his entire plot of barren land that can be better used for development. This is, of course, why liberals love him. Liberals love leaders that do nothing but just sit there and smile, precisely what Barack Obama did in his eight years. But Trudeau wants to upstage Obama by doubling the number of apology tours and doing even less work then a former POTUS.

The next time you look at a map, and you see the “hat” on top of America, feel free to ignore it. The imaginary land of “Canada” has proven it has no value or worth to be a big boy country. And because of that, it’s not worthy of being invaded in the name of freedom. What a giant waste.

Roger Goodmen is an intern for Bullshitnews.org. He is a Senior at George Mason University double majoring in Political Science and Economics. Roger is a person of color and is not afraid of living in liberal reality with his hardcore anti-establishment conservative bully pulpit. He currently lives in an apartment near GMU with his feline-of-color cat named Carlos.

President Donald J. Trump Is Not A Criminal

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder of Bullshit News

The donkeycrat asinine conspiracies about the treasonous elephant in the room must be addressed. The 45th President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump, has been accused of being involved in criminal activities by the mainstream media since day one of his 2016 Presidential Campaign to Make America Great Again. This has been completely unheard of in American history, no other President has been as stigmatized by the libelous media in recorded history than President Donald Trump. It’s as if George Washington himself was seen as a traitor that wanted to collude with the Indians to create his own nation-state against the then newly created United States. Why has the liberal media conjectured conspiracy theories to dismantle our countries unity? Donald Trump won his election fair and square, a long time ago might I add. Liberals refuse to concede their power to support a standing President of the United States, which is very unusual even for those treasonous bastards.

One of these many Democratic Party conspiracy theories involves that Donald Trump, a lifelong American patriotic businessman who embodies the American Dream, was accused of receiving assistance from the Russian government to help win his election. Bullshit News has already covered the so-called Russian collusion accusations, which you can read by clicking on this sentence. President Trump’s name has already been cleared by this conspiracy theory, according to the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence. Devin Nunes, who is the head of the committee, has announced that they have finished their year-long report and have seen zero evidence of any Russian involvement in the election.  In their meticulous report, there was, “no evidence of collusion, coordination, or conspiracy between the Trump campaign and the Russians”. The legal language can’t be any clearer than that.

This witch hunt has also traced President Trump’s past back to his real estate and reality TV star duel-life career. Why are people accusing a successful entrepreneur of finding some way to cheat to where he is today? He is no Bernie Madoff or Jordan Belfort in finding ways of accumulating his wealth, he’s worked long and hard, hours if not days on end non-stop to find ways to increase his net worth. He innovated the idea of having children to work on his businesses and profited tremendously by building large towers in New York City and across the non-American world with a household brand: Trump. If Democrats could find ways to make money like Donald has, maybe they wouldn’t be in the debt they’re in.

And among the vilest, immorberal (immoral/liberal), and most libelous claim the Mainstream Media has claimed to date was that President Donald Trump was having an affair with an “esteemed pornographic film actress” named Stormy Daniels. Have the Democrats gotten this desperate that they had to hire 18-year-olds to be their opposition research team? Did they get their fresh ideas from the gay-Jewish mecca of Broadway Hollywood? The Democratic Party, in a radically fascist attempt to seize power from a fair and toughly fought election, have paid an actress from movies like “Dripping Wet Sex 4”, “Space Nuts”, and “Trailor Trash Nurses 6” to sue the President of the United States and do what Crooked Hillary Clinton could never do, win the Electoral College. No other president, aside from perhaps Richard Nixon or Warren Harding, has had to endure such strife in fictitious and ludicrous scandals invented by a party that isn’t just bankrupt with ideas, but one that is powerless and continues to grasp at straws. For goodness’ sake, they ran a socialist as one of their nominees in 2016 and he finished in second place.

Bullshit News has declared red alert on our Mission Statement. The Democrats are attempting to overthrow God and install some Jimmy Carter dope fiend, flower power puppet in place. Perhaps Stormy Daniels could become president in the unrealistic and fictional world where she wins her lawsuit and Trump unconditionally surrenders his presidency. The Democratic Party has now begun to assert bolshevik means of usurping power, such governmental actions unseen since the Red Revolution in the USSR. The Democrats are seeking to overthrow the government of the United States. In retaliation to reassert his power, Donald Trump hired John Bolton to be his next National Security Advisor. John Bolton is known to be tough and assertive to get things done diplomatically and for national security. He is a “Hawk”, someone to be feared across the world like Henry Kissinger. This is how Donald Trump thinks intellectually, the opposite of how criminals and drug users think, Donald plans ahead. He has a bright and glowing future for a second term, unlike the democratic celebrity drug addicts.

Do not be deceived by the libelous mainstream media and their socially constructed lies about Donald Trump’s prestigious background and business acumen. They are manufactured by the same media conglomerates that give you the Disney movies, Time Warner’s NBA basketball, Viacom’s reality TV shows, Fox’s “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy”, and Comcast Xfinity’s everything. These corporations, the most mainstream of mainstream media, colluded together to pull strings for Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama’s radical socialist agenda to overthrow Republican power. But fear not, if the mainstream media were truly powerful they would have won the 2016 Presidential Election. But you, the informed Republican conservative voters, have proved the demagogue Democratic Party totally wrong. Bullshit News salutes to your valiant efforts, but the war is still going on. The Democrats falsely claimed to have risen like a drunken phoenix barrel rolling its way from the debt ashes.

Remain on high alert. Do not believe the media. Believe in the only conservative website on the net that sticks it to the man without relying on Matt Drudge sensationalism. Rely on Bullshit News as your political rhetoric and website/weapon of choice. Donald J. Trump is not a criminal. Believe it from us, Straight From The Source©.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.

Evolution: The Nancy Pelosi Taxpayer-Funded Lie

Written by Sarah Napoli

The children of San Francisco wake up each day and head to their public schools without thinking of the world in big-picture terms. Nancy Pelosi has indoctrinated every child in her city of liberal sodomy about something more heinous than premarital sex: the idea that God plays no role in creating the world. Blasphemy is nothing new to San Francisco or California as a whole for that matter, but by forcing children to see one side of an issue does not create great education. Not that it would matter for liberal oligarch Nancy Pelosi.

The Bullshit News position on the formation of our planet and our existence can be found in the book of Genesis in the Bible. It’s not a hard story to miss, it’s on page 1 because it’s the most important story in the entire book. It details everything, Adam and Eve, the forbidden fruit, how snakes existed, etc. God created light so he could see his next creations: the Heavens, Earth, and every biotic life form that ever existed on this planet. But Nancy Pelosi and her liberal cult fiends that run San Francisco into the poop-infested ground have banned the bible and intellectual design learning from public schools, a most treasonous and anti-liberty act. Why must children learn what Nancy Pelosi wants to learn? They need to learn critical thinking skills and rhetoric to understand how the Democratic Party have undermined how they perceive reality.

Nancy Pelosi has long been a monolith in the Democratic Party “knowledge bank”, she is the main source of everything vile and dumb liberals get their knowledge from. She is the agenda setter. And she wants to make sure your children think that humanity came from something beyond God, and something about monkeys being involved! The so-called evolution “theory” is a radical attempt to unChristianify America and turn it into an atheist state. What does an atheist state look like? It looks like the USSR, with purges occurring on a daily basis and a diabolical corrupt leader in charge who demands the position for life. This is something Nancy Pelosi aspires to be for the United States of America, and it is possibly the vilest and most anti-American incident that can ever happen. I get sick to my stomach typing about it.

Evolution was created by the very same people who want you to believe the so-called “global warming/climate change/Al Gore” is very real and a threat to our existence. The only threat to our existence is our own ignorance, which “Fancy Nancy” wants to spread. In the era of fake news and unverified claims becoming headlines, Pelosi has a desire to let America burn down to the ground while playing her Stradivarius violin, chiming something to herself about wanting to claim the world for the democrat-fascist ideology. Everything she touches either loses elections or corrodes the mind with dumb-founded claims with no grounds to reality.

We cannot save those poor lost souls of the children in San Francisco, who are too young to adhere to any single ideology but the devotion of America and God himself. Rome first burnt down from people staying away from conformity and deviating themselves to hateful fear-mongering liberal rhetoric that Evolution spews. If we descended from other animals, why are those animals still around? How come they aren’t sentient and rational like conservatives? Nancy Pelosi has a war against God himself, which is grounds enough for her constituents in sodomy-plagued San Francisco to get their heads out of their Teslas and demand her to resign. Nancy Pelosi’s very existence, as the leader of the minority (inferior) party she should not be eschewing radical views and forcing them into the minds of children. It is beyond unethical and is absolutely unacceptable for a politician to say.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) Correspondent of Bullshit News. Sarah is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. Sarah does not want children but considers herself a “dog mom”, taking care of a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. Sarah does not like coffee or tea, which are foreign inventions created to poison the minds of Americans.

Hillary Clinton Announces Bid To Run For Prime Minister Of Communism-Plagued Canada

Written By Dan Shapiro

Hillary Clinton, the infamous deplorable loser who was banished from the United States of America after her defeat in the 2016 presidential election, has announced she has migrated to the communist moose colony of Canada and will run for Prime Minister in their 2019 election. Hillary Clinton is bloodthirsty for power, and she has innovated her political methods by mimicking Donald Trump for calling the heartland of America, “backwards” and did not share any desire to make America great again, which is evident by running for a “Prime Minister”. That’s one thing that shines about Canada’s communism, they don’t believe in constitutions or presidents, both what help make America the world’s leader number one leader in liberty production.

We don’t like to talk about Canada on Bullshit News because we refuse to acknowledge our Stalinist neighbor or promote their red radical agenda. The leader of their “Prime Minister” bund, Justin Trudeau, is more of a hippie that likes to put flowers in guns than behave as a world leader. What exactly has he done since he became “Prime Minister”, raise taxes on the poor? Of course not, the most outlandish thing he is currently doing is promoting the liberal agenda known as “multiculturalism”. In layman’s terms, it’s a Canadian version of American liberty, only communist and inferior. There is a strong reason why the American Dollar will always be more valuable than the Canadian dollar because as we all know, Communism never works. If communism worked, why isn’t life more efficient than it needs to be?

Enough with the communist bastards of the North. Hillary Clinton, poaching over the Canadian “Parliament” like a vulture over a dead deer, will not cease her political ambitions until she is in a high and powerful position to dictate people’s lives. In an essence, she is an export of bastardized American liberty, but she is no communist. She might be too much of a socialist to make any “splash” for parliament seating, but this is a key sign that her days meddling with Donald Trump’s presidential affairs in cohorts with Robert Mueller are over. Her next approach is a long-shot one, become a popular Canadian politician and usurp the general-secretary (the so-called “Prime Minister”) role Justin Trudeau holds. But as we all know, when communists hold power they are very reluctant to take it, and will often approach violent ends to a means if it means staying in power. Once Hillary managed to get a chance to be on the ballot, we should not be surprised if something suspicious happens, such as asking America to help her campaign and is thrown to Canadian prison for colluding with a foreign government. What poetic justice that would be!

Hillary Clinton announced she was running for “Prime Minister” from Mumbai, India. Just weeks before, Justin Trudeau was campaigning for reelection in the former communist colony, India.  Hillary is aiming to see how Trudeau is popular and must robotically mimic his approach to politics to better understand the so-called “average Canadian voter”. Justin’s communist constituents denounced Trudeau’s New Delhi-leg of his campaign saying that he was “trying too hard“, creating a divide in the Liberal Party (the communist bund for the Democratic Party) and the exact moment for Hillary Clinton to jump in on the scene and challenge Trudeau. What’s to happen will be examined more by Bullshit News in the future. For now, America will always be in the headlines.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on Republican Party Politics and that Middle East thing. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “pwn” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB spl.