Bullshit News Calls For Trump Victory In Re-election Bid

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written By Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder

With more than a million votes already cast for the election on November 3rd, Bullshit News has decided to be the first past the post in calling the election for Donald Trump’s second term. The votes are still coming in, but aren’t needed to determine who really wins the presidency. Deep down inside, millions and millions of Americans have the cold reassurance that President Trump has succeeded so much in his first term that he has earned his second term regardless of what “polling” and “democratic institutions” say otherwise. For a man who donated all of his Presidential salary to charity and regularly smiles at orphan children, he has already created a legacy to last for generations. But take it from his politics, not his personality.

It’s evident that Donald Trump has been America’s most popular and successful president. He’s given more media attention than any other president before him, and for a good reason: he’s enacted many reforms and other popular legislation to make American lives easier and free from the inequities of the Obama regime. President Trump has, to keep it brief: ended America’s long terrible history of racism, cured an otherwise evil socialist virus meant to take him out, ended the Democratic Party’s spread of opioids to kill Republicans and fellow real working class American people, brought Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Barrett on to the Supreme Court, further helping America’s problems with understand what the founders of the country wanted for America, saved Thanksgiving and Christmas, among countless other activities President Trump has been busy in restoring America back to the greatness it once was but yet still always was originally.

Joe Biden is a disgraceful “man” who does not deserve the dignity to be in the White House and to claim himself as president. He is the anti-christ, and his vice-presidential pick in Kamala Harris is also a countess for evil socialism. The Democratic Party is trying to deceive the American people into believing that there could be a better alternative to President Trump by inventing these two politicians to lie on the behalf of the American people about policies they don’t support and pledging action that they will not finish. They will only leave behind more political messes and scandals, while actively making this country look weak to the eyes of China or the newest evil godless Islamic barbarian country that is waiting to strike us. It can only make sense that President Trump can save our country from such evil extremes, inside and outside the country.

Therefore, we at Bullshit News find it simple to declare President Trump the definitive winner of the 2020 Election before Election Day. The results are merely a ploy, everyone understands that President Trump has been far more than qualified to lead a second term, as nearly every president since 1992 was given this compromise, even the evil Barack Obama regime followed this protocol. So a reelection bid is far more than useless, it is a waste of President Trump’s time to deal with such bureaucratic formalities like the 2020 election. The United States of America needs to move forward, so let us all start working for President Trump for the next four years, today!


Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

NASA Announces Moon Is A Harbor For Terrorism And Needs To Be Annihilated

~ DonKaftan ~ Leave a comment

Written by Aaron Lau

The moon, once thought to be useful as the sun, may not be as peaceful as we once thought. At a recent NASA press conference late Saturday morning, America’s top space scientists that study how “astronomy” and space works, have reasonably concluded that the Moon is a training ground for terrorism and Islamic studies. This horrifying study has concluded society’s worst fears when it comes to extraterrestrial terrorism, and that the United States of America has a lot more to deal with on the War On Terror than previously estimated. Calls to increase the military’s funding have been issued in more drastic measures than ever before. What else is hiding on the moon?

Top NASA scientist John “Dwayne” Gacy came to talk to the press about NASA’s historic, once in a lifetime study: “It’s my pleasure and and honor to tell you all about the extremist Islamic barbarian terrorist colony NASA has just discovered on the moon. Our original goal was to look for vegetation or other forms of life on the moon, hell even finding drinkable clean water would be a successful mission. But we discovered something much more darker and evil. Three of our probe units, Alpha-Larry Beta-Curly and Gamma-Moe were all seemingly destroyed or otherwise offline beyond ordinary means. As of this time I cannot tell you whether or not it’s Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, ISIS, or some nefarious Nancy Pelosi/Chuck Schumer plot to sabotage our space system. I will inform you all when we get more information. Thank you for your patience in a time of utmost urgency”.

Luckily, we know an intelligent NASA scientist willing to talk to us for this article. John Z, a high level worker on the project, had much more to say to us rather than consult some demagogue Democrat website like The Daily Wire. John Z informed us that the terrorists that harbor the moon seem to look like humanoid earthlings, but the cameras and photography could not detail more than their 250×144 resolution cameras in black and white. John did say that these were not stereotypical Hollywood aliens but “looked like ones that follow the Islamic tradition of barbarianism and Wahhabism”. John was very concerned about the state of the moon, given all that we know now. “It seems like we have either two choices: to go to war against these evil space terrorists, or blow up the moon and purify the lunar region from foreign-born terrorism”.

This news is shocking and requires urgent compelling action from the White House. Terrorism is bad, yet the moon is (allegedly) good. But terrorism brings no compromises to the table, and now they have total control of the moon, and perhaps more areas beyond the cosmos. It may come as quite a shock, but if the ultimate solution is to blow up the moon, then I am all for it. Moons can be replaceable, they aren’t like the sun or anything. Heck, Jupiter has 79 of them. It should not be hard to drag one of those moons and put it where the old terrorist moon used to be. All of this comes in at a drastic time at ten days before the election, but urgent action about terrorism is more important than some silly, irrelevant election that won’t decide anything.

Pink Floyd, the cyber-rock band, once said “I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon”. What we didn’t know was that the moon’s dark side was not literal, it was extremist and responsible for allowing 9/11 to come into fruition. Now we might not know that these moon terrorists were part of the problem when it comes to 9/11, but NASA has not ruled out anything. When we face terrorism, we need to annihilate it at all costs, no matter what the actual real cost could be. We may never see night again, but think of the positives with no moon: daylight would be all we have, and it would be significantly easier to track down on other criminals because they can no longer vanish into the night on the moon-units to hide on the moon to plan more terrorist activities. It will be hard at first, but it will all be worth it to restore the status quo to a more permanent peaceful state.

Goodnight moon, we hardly knew thee, until we knew thee too much and too well. Terrorism must be eradicated at all costs, even if one of those costs is the moon itself. But don’t fret moon-aficionados, we’ll get a new moon soon. One with less terrorism harbored onto it.

Aaron Lau is the Bullshit News specialist in Social Media, Internet, and other On-Line media-culture related issues. He is married to his lovely wife, Cindy and has one manly daughter baby named Deborah. He enjoys ultimate frisbee and certain technologies including video games but not the liberal propaganda-endorsed “fidget spinners” that are designed to spin Republicans to the left. He has an Associates’ in Information Systems from George Washington University.

Amy Coney Barrett Would Be The First REAL Women To Be On Supreme Court

~ DonKaftan ~ 2 Comments

Written by Sarah Napoli

For the first time in the Supreme Court’s history, a woman could be given the role of one of the most powerful judicial arms in the entire world. While Barrett may be very controversial due to her catholic and pro-birth, anti-democratic party opinions, she is nevertheless a real woman and a strong candidate to fill an open seat on the Supreme Court. Sure, the Supreme Court has had “women” serve on the court as clerks or occasionally a judge, but Barrett is a real women’s women. Young girls can look up and aspire to be Amy Coney Barrett in a way that Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Elena Kagan cannot. Amy has real girl power to her walk, and she can talk the talk. The biggest problems lie within her “Catholic” heritage and general benign Democrat Party opposition to norms.

Amy Barrett was likely born in the backseat of a greyhound bus on the bayous of New Orleans, a lawless Democrat hellhole filled with a large amount of sodomy and endless nonstop unethical partying. Barrett grew up in rough conditions, surrounded by such debauchery and degeneracy, she turned to Catholicism as her preferred way of salvation. While some can see nothing wrong in Catholicism, it is nevertheless not Protestantism, the preferred religion of any non-biased judge or attorney in common law countries. Despite her idolatry of this “pope” figure, she worked arduously to get where she is today. Being a women involves an immense amount of adversity, and I would know as a women of over thirty years of age. While the men may have lambasted Barrett over her “looks”, she spent all the time in the library studying law unlike the many women before her who were stuck in the kitchen, dining room with a television set, or at a radio station. If confirmed to the Supreme Court, I have no doubt the girls of the future will look up to Barrett as a civil rights milestone.

But there is a strong catch to Barrett, and if it isn’t for being a women, it’s for being a Catholic. Catholics have long been pope-followers and have a questionably different approach to Jesus Christ unlike other religious backgrounds. For one, the Pope and Catholicism have long been tied to the evil Frog People cult that has swept the world over the last 6,000 years. New Orleans is supposedly a “hotbed” for Frog People and the Catholic agenda. This makes Amy’s all-American background suspect in the eyes of Democrats, they are scared of a strong independent women whose life views are dependent on the Pope and by extension, the frog people. If Amy doesn’t make a strong public case against these Frog People, she will not be seen as trustworthy among the easily convinced Democrats. Time will tell when she will finally call out the Frogs.

However, if Barrett decides to destroy the evil Obamacare legislation that has taxed many Americans into death panels, she would be able to save feminism as we know it from its evil liberal origins. Feminism has been dying or been outdated for many generations due to its troubling authoritarian idea of putting women in dangerous situations. One such obstacle is America’s troubling abortion problem. In today’s America, one can have a “Virtual Reality” abortion, which is an abortion via live-streaming according to our local IT tech nerds. It is especially pernicious that the Catholic Church has been incessantly supported abortion since Egypt was first created by the Jews to find Jerusalem. Barrett needs to address her suspicious background in spite of her personal anti-Abortion viewpoints.

In spite of her flaws like most women, Barrett really shines when it comes to the legal world. If appointed, she will become one of the most powerful women in America unlike witchy Nancy Pelosi and her evil Court of the Crimson King they call the House of Representatives. Barrett’s eventual appointment to the Supreme Court will be a huge milestone in the eyes of Women across the country and ergo, world. The Democrats would be foolish to not also allow such a milestone to happen without stealing some credit as they usually do. Let us hope Amy Barrett does not fail us when she is inevitably confirmed unlike Rehnquist who was corrupted from within. Barrett is a strong, regrettably catholic woman who can save the planet from judicial tyranny.

Sarah Napoli is the Women’s Issues (or lack thereof) And Gossip Correspondent of Bullshit News. Sarah is outside of normal sexual orientation and enjoys young adult fiction novels. Sarah does not want children but considers herself a “dog mom”, taking care of a young poodle (which is really a Schnauzer but don’t tell her that) she named “Eddie”. Sarah does not like coffee or tea, which are foreign inventions created to poison the bright minds of Americans. 

Do We Really Need An Election?

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Dan Shapiro

It’s almost October, and soon it will be one of the most important days of any day of any country on Earth, Election Day. Once a long held tradition created to bestow a proper successor to George Washington, many on the intellectual side of the globe in America have felt that elections have been antiquated for the past 30 or so years. Once an established part of a robust Democratic system, it is rife with fraudulent voters, mailing errors, and other Democratic Party obstructions designed to rig a once perfectly run system. With the polls so high in President Trump’s favor, one can argue this upcoming election will be purely for show and have no meaning or luster that it once had. It’s time to abolish elections.

Elections used to be meaningful competitions between Democrats and Whigs, Democrat Republicans vs. Know-Nothings until after the War of Northern Aggression has lead us to the same Democrat vs. Republican in the battle of evil vs good for the past 170 years. The plotlines have remained largely the same, the GOP pulls out one of their best and finest leaders while the Democrats go to hell and back to pick a nefarious person that aligns best with their ideology against faith and the ordinary American citizen. Hillary Clinton, the previous nominee before admitted anti-Christ Joe Biden, was a woman created out of scorn and villainy that could only be designed by the most nefarious lobbyists and evil fascist masterminds that control the strings of the Democrat Party. Now that the American people fully understand that the Republican Party is by their side and the Democrats are filled with nepotism and wasteful government spending, their days are finished.

Elections nowadays are a broken system, the Democrats insist that the Electoral College, an institution almost as old and precious as our country, should be replaced with a “popular vote system”, a system designed by 6 year olds who fight to get their favorite candy in their kindergarten classrooms. America cannot have a president that is directly elected without states interfering, for that would break a tradition long held to preserve the special status that comes with presidency. Should America try and establish this dim-witted ‘popular vote’ system, then anyone could win the presidency. Democrats would shove their fictitious Al Gore presidency without any reprimanding. They would eliminate checks and balances and turn America into a fascist state. The ‘popular vote’ theory does not include anything more simple than just counting up votes. There’s got to be more to it for an election result to happen. Simplicity leads to the worst results, and we cannot have mathematical errors that result from it to give us answers.

The Electoral College does its job very well, it is a scientific formula created by the Founders of our country designed to run elections efficiently without simplicity. The Founders did not want any commoner to win an election by picking their own name and getting elected without any vetting. There were too many “Adam Smiths” of that time period, and if all of them started to write their own name in the election instead of picking the aligned-two or three candidates to vote for, we would have too many “Adam Smiths” as president. Thus, all of the founders of the country had to meet again at a bar (it was the style at the time) and formally decide how the presidency and line of succession worked.

And all of this leads us to today, about a month and a week or so until the pointless 2020 election. Trump has been commanding the polls since Biden came out of Delaware with black smoke that inaugurated him as the Democratic Party’s nominee. President Trump has already accomplished more than many presidents could think of in four years: he ended racism, appointed Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, and found and condemned the evil Obamagate that was infesting the country. Oh and by the way, he streamlined the cure to the possibly fictional Covid-19 outbreak created by the Bernie Sanders campaign. It’s like Democrats don’t even want to go through an election with a man that phenomenal of a resume. So the Democrats should let it go this year, and perhaps maybe forever, and just let Trump finish painting his masterpiece.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on GOP Politics, the 2020 presidential elections, and Iran. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “own” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.

Poll Shows Trump Up Over Biden By Over 70%

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written By Alexander Jones

With the upcoming Election being less than fifty days away, it’s time to pay attention to the polls which matter more now than they ever did three-hundred and seventy two days ago. While the polls showed President Donald behind a few times, he has now taken an enormous lead in the polls far better than anyone had anticipated. The latest polling from The BSI (BullShit Institute) shows Trump commanding a lead higher than any other presidential candidate has achieved this late into an election. Let’s look at the hard data:

As one can see, President Trump has a commanding lead over Joe Biden. The polls hate Joe Biden so much they have to move away from his satanic name. Joe Biden’s popularity started to wane when 2016 Presidential Nominee and famous loser Hillary Clinton endorsed President Trump. Not even Bernie Sanders and his Coronavirus could stop President Trump from (probably) winning the next election. Everything is turning up 1984 for the Republican Party, playing with a royal flush against Biden’s pair of 10’s.

Some have thought Biden would receive some voting assistance with the naming of Kamala Harris as his running mate, but this evidently has not helped him tremendously in the polls at all. The polling strongly suggests that Biden is in urgent need of help, hence his plan with Nancy Pelosi about getting illegal immigrants to vote for him multiple times per illegal alien. That is the only rational way Biden has a feasible chance of winning the election. As we know about the Democrat Party, nothing they do is legitimate. They care for no one but their own beltway bandit circle in D.C. Meanwhile, President Trump cured the Coronavirus before it became a bigger deal and (formally) ended racism in America. It’s obvious to the American people who the better candidate really is, and they saw Biden in power for eight years!

Some dumb democrat plutocrats would like you to believe polling is non-essential and not at all indicative of who would win the election. You can’t have ‘politics’ without the ‘polls’. Polling is one of the most important aspects of American politics: if a politician doesn’t know if he’s winning an election without quantitative research, how else could we know about the opinions of a “layman”? The GOP relies heavily on the faithful, working class “layman” to vote in their interests, as we are all painfully aware that the Democratic Party has strong contempt to anyone that doesn’t conform to their rigid sense of what “America” truly is.

President Trump shouldn’t try and coast from this point to the election based on this poll alone. It’s a strong indicator he will win the upcoming election, but he needs to step all the way down on the gas pedal and keep making his rallies. The rallies he does have greatly boosted his popularity to those unfamiliar to Trump’s agenda. Let’s see if he can keep it up until November, anything can happen between then and now.


Alexander Jones is a fierce investigative journalist dedicating to finding the real truth blurred by the mainstream globalist media. Alexander Jones is a strong advocate for libertarianism, liberty, and raw rib eye steak. In his spare time away from journalism, Alexander also is the head political scientist at the Bullshit News Institute (of polling). An animal advocate throughout his life, he currently owns five hunting dogs, two purebred horses, and two cats. Although he is an advocate for the survival of the fittest Darwinism, he is a Pentecostal Christian who always–ALWAYS spends time with Jesus and The Lord on Sundays. 

Let Us Thank Saudi Arabia For Their Brave Efforts For Helping America

~ DonKaftan ~ Leave a comment

Written by Sgt. Abu Ghraib 

Today is one of the most tragic, yet successful events in American History. You know the story, Godless Islamic Barbaric Terrorists hijacked a couple planes and used the planes to blow up popular American landmarks like the World Trade Center, the Accountability Department of the Pentagon, and Pennsylvania. While we mourned and recovered, we saw vengeance on the people/entire ethnoreligious background as revenge for their crimes against the American humanity. It took a manhunt and two wars to begin America’s revenge, which is still on-going. But thanks to the help of former enemy Saudi Arabia, America has been closer than ever before to restoring our former glory, a task that can only be achieved and retained through a President Trump victory.

Saudi Arabia was a prime suspect on the “Who Done It?” list of 9/11 terrorist suspects, but they were quickly ruled out with an alibi. With the power of hindsight, this was obvious now but not in the terror-wretched world of 2001. Once Yahoo! News confirmed to the American people that invading Iraq and Afghanistan were okay, the hunt was on for the alleged yet highly convicted “Osama Bin Laden” that claimed responsibility for the atrocious inhumane attacks. Blood must be met with blood after all, Sun Tzu said that.

It took many years for America to track down Mr. Bin Laden. The GPS, a revolutionary technology that helped us get revenge on Saddam Hussein for defying the natural order in the Gulf War, could not locate Osama Bin Laden as fast as a DNA sample from a murder scene. Equally frustrating was seeing Ground Zero being the murder scene of an attack against freedom, equality, and American liberty. It was America’s darkest thirty minutes, until an unlikely ally gave us their hand.

Yes, it was help from Saudi Arabia that America not only had a new economic ally to trade goods with, but they also had the technology to track down Osama Bin Laden and his evil cronies with the Bedouin. The Bedouin was able to locate Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan, an area America could not invade over fears of the hysterical “World War 3” could occur. And we know how the story “ended” from there.

But the end of Bin Laden was not the end of the War on Terror, far from it. It was a siren sent out to the world that America will not be messed with again, not even if it comes from the anarcho-leftist Biden campaign or from those that defy the great order of President Trump, like Mr. “Soft on Terrorism” Barack Hussein Obama. Obama seized power from President Bush The Latter from so-called antiquated “term limits” law. Barack felt compelled to push America to multiple Apology Tours (not to be confused with Tour of Duty, something that actually involves honor) so that we could receive sympathy points for no gain. By weakening our country, Barack Obama angered our Saudi Arabian allies who needed a great shipment of military arms to tame the local populace. Making America look weak to many countries was not good for our friends in Raytheon or Lockheed Martin.

That’s why this 9/11, we need to thank Saudi Arabia for making sure America wouldn’t look weak and disgraceful in matters that concern our international affairs attention. Saudi Arabia did not give up on America unlike Mr. Obamagate’s reign in the White House. Saudi Arabia had our backs to make sure we did capture and gave Osama Bin Laden a fair trial to die in hell. It was only possible due to a phenomenal deal brokered by President Trump while he was also working overtime to solve racism. France, Canada, the UK and Germany all refused to help America so that they could take over America’s mantle of being the most relevant country on Earth. Saudi Arabia did not step in because of an Obama Apology tour out of pity, they did it because it was a necessity, the right thing to do, and most importantly, they cared.

Without the involvement of Saudi Arabia and the Bedouin, Osama Bin Laden would still be alive taunting us with his demented music videos of his Taliban gang of barbarians. We live in a more peaceful world not just because of President Donald Trump, but from the resourceful and innovative minds from Saudi Arabia that helped America track down Osama and restored justice back to the victims whose lives were recklessly taken from them because of a jaded MTV superstar. But this peace will not be here forever, it can be taken from us by any Democratic Party president or even from the local worker’s unions. Evil terrorists reside within America, and we should all be diligent that mini-Osama’s don’t come out to reenact a horrific tragedy.

Sgt. Abu Ghraib is Bullshit News’ newest Correspondent, providing expert analysis and thought-out opinions about the on-going threats of the War on Terror and the Godless Islamic Barbaric Terrorists that conduct it. Whether it’s Morocco, Israel, Iraq, Palestine, Las Vegas or Iran, Abu fought in the Iraq War and enjoyed it so much he went to Afghanistan where he is stationed today in Kabul. Abu was born and raised in Macon, Georgia to prove all the “haters’ that bullied him in his high school that he was much more American than they are, and never looked back. Abu is currently on inactive duty, eagerly waiting for his name to be called at any moment.

Joe Biden Is Using Illegal Hispanic Immigrants To Vote For Him

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

As we move closer and closer towards the unneeded 2020 Presidential Election, we must be reminded that the Democrat Party have routinely tried to artificially inflate the number of voters they receive in order to cheat the real hard-working God-fearing American people from getting the Republican president they deserve. As per tradition, the Democrat Party is at it again, with much more desperation then they ever have needed before. So it should come to no surprise that Democrat Party nominee Joe Biden is receiving an influx of help from the “Hispanics” from the island of “Mexico” to help vote for him.

Bullshit News has already discussed at-length the evil and callous nature of the anti-christ and his co-star, who wish to seek vengeance against the American people for trying to work their hard-earned 9-5 jobs. They understand they don’t have the number of votes needed to win almost every state except for Sodom and California, so they must rely on these “Hispanics“, a fancy sociological word for illegal immigrants, to vote in-mass for them. Knowing that Americans can only have one vote, but Hispanics can vote as often as they want, Biden and his base understand the only way to win is to cheat. The Biden campaign aims to airlift as many Hispanics from Hispaniola and the Isle of Mexico onto as many states as possible to vote for him, as much as 128 times. They are fearless cretins who will check mark Joe Biden 1,000 times despite that massive benefits the Trump Administration has given to their people.

This disgusting act of political heresy is nothing new in the tradition of Democratic Party politics. Democrats in the past have been able to capture illegal people to vote illegally in order to cheat a legitimate aspect of our noble political structure. The electoral college is one of the oldest institutions in our Democracy that exists for the purpose of counting every ballot and sending it up to the sky to God for verification that these people all exist, and which states will “win the votes”. Now God is an old man, still wise but yet still very old. His judgement hasn’t been the same since his son was killed by the Jerry Garcia. Nevertheless he can’t be wrong because he is all-knowing and omniscient and whatnot. God doesn’t know the difference between an “American voter” who can only vote once and the ill “Hispanic voter” that can vote as many times as they need. There is significant concern that God will just permit these “Hispanic voters” and the results could be disastrous for our democracy.

Nevertheless, no amount of Hispanics will impede a determined President Trump from saving America from the bureaucracy of an election. But to see the Democrats using dirty cheap tricks being done dirt cheap is another sign that we are in the right ethically. If the Democrats lose with their “surplus of voters”, they will riot and commit wrath of such high level that the results can be drastic. The influx of the Hispanic voters being parachuted into the election should not be enough to guarantee a Biden victory, but it can guarantee some unfortunate and unneeded suspense on Election Day.

What can you, the conscientious and intelligent reader, do about this? Well it’s easy, you need to vote. Even if you can’t vote a million times like a parachuting Mexican, your vote will still matter. No matter the outcome, whether Trump wins and Biden loses or Biden wins and Trump loses, the Democrats had to cheat to get there. There is nothing the Democratic Party does that is legal and legitimate that gives them power. They are hungry for nothing but relentless bureaucracy and tax increases. They want YOU to have less money and Trump wants to help you. Any real American knows that the choice is clear, and that anyone voting for that anti-christ infidel is a vote for treason.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.