Tag: Trump

Trump Selects “Zoomer”, JD Vance, As His Vice Presidential Running Mate

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Written by Mortimer E. Wallacaster

Future President (once again) Donald Trump has announced the other day of his new, better vice presidential candidate for the be-all end-all election in November. Trump is replacing the formerly competent baby boomer Mike Pence with a leader better suited for future generations and the continuation of Trumpism/American Economics, JD Vance. Mr. Vance is 1/3rd the age of Trump, being born in the “Generation Z” cohort which is known to be much more in favor of Republican ideals of family values, traditionalism, and being against the vile immorberal beast known as pornography. This future generation of America’s leaders may have found its bedrock representative with this excellent pick of a Vice President.

While the Democrats panic and freak out over Joe Biden’s end-of-life crisis, they continue failing to appeal to younger generations (including their supposedly beloved millennials) who are more likely to become middle-aged voters in 10-15 years where they will become a dominant, if not apathetic, voting bloc of jaded people that obsess over vapid nostalgia of “the good old days” when they were all just kids playing their Pokemon video games, waiting for 9/11 to happen and change up their lives. Even as the DNC resort to the “Gen X” latchkey Kamala, they continue to ignore younger generations which makes them crave a serious and strong alternative–the Republican Party. Such a group of young and bright people need a strong Christian man to lead the future in the right way Ted Cruz, JFK (who was a closet Republican), and Ronald Reagan did with our nation in the past.

What we know about JD Vance, the current youngest Senator (R-Ohio) in office, is that he embodies the concept of an “Alpha Male” an obscure term originating from eugenicist Charles Darwin that the younger generations have caught on to, as well as being “Based”. These slang terms are of high regard and approval toward JD Vance’s character and appeal. He loves “surfing the web”, skateboarding, and browsing the internet playing Roblox, Apex Legends, and Fortnite in his limited free time. He is married to a woman and has three children–true Alpha Male nuclear family status of a normal healthy Republican man. JD Vance is “based” with his strong conservative beliefs on abortion, the death penalty/capital punishment, as well as the strong desire to heavily tax the poor. While these beliefs ought to be the norm for every American, it is a welcome sight to see such a ravishing young man like JD hold onto these beliefs like a Russian martyr fighting for society’s liberty.

Young Gen “Zoomer” Americans can see themselves in this humble man, built into the mold of a Minecraft Steve from Appalachia, USA. JD wrote about his roots in his hit best-seller, “Hillbilly Elegy”, where he talks about the fact that he had to learn how to hurdle cattle by himself at age 6, had to make and wear his own shows by age 8, and protected his home with proper self-defense training by the simple age of 11. Young JD had a proper rugged conservative upbringing in real rural America and far away from big city elitist liberal hellhole metropolitan areas. Unfortunately his mother struggled with drug addictions growing up, which JD Vance had to struggle to deal with. But as a result of his struggled, Republican upbringing living in near-poverty Appalachia, he was properly recognized with his talents with his superior wit and Republican brawn, ending up at Yale Law, but not before he served our country in the Marine Corps in our war against the Iraq Godless Barbaric terrorists for a brief time period.

And to think he achieved all of this before he even turned age 21! It’s a wonder that this new generation of young Americans actually care about the traditions and heritage of our old country—something missed out from the millennial generation. Vance is able to connect to younger generations with his like-minded views and “Alpha Male” status that those on the instantgramification talk-ticking platform highly value. His “basedness” is something of an unknown x-factor type of “vibes” that are hard to translate into a political sense. He reminds me of a young Theodore Roosevelt, whose gallant personality and inability to have fear whipped our country into being the manliest in the world. Don’t let any of that take away that Vance is something of the future in the Republican Party: a true strong “based” man that will one day reshape America back into its state’s rights-valuing traditions of yore where men with common sense and reasonable levels of literacy followed common law and ruled the day without fear of “wokeness” or other hysterical liberal DEI vocabulary.

JD Vance still has plenty of time to find his proper mold within the Republican Party as its future stalwart leader. I wouldn’t even put it out of the question that he may end up on the Supreme Court one day so long as he doesn’t spend too many hours on those vapid video games his generation loves so much. But as the party’s leader, he will know the future contemporary issues and how to guide our GOP into the new future with whatever new technologies liberal tech companies will try and deploy to make our future children into mindless woke zombies that constantly vote Democrat. Perhaps JD Vance may be our best hope in defeating those evil censorship-loving companies. Until then, he has an important job to help Donald Trump win back his old job for good.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

Weak Leftist President Joe Biden Decides To Not Run For Reelection

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Written by Pastor John Mathewson

America’s anti-Christ of the past four years, Joseph Robinette Biden, has announced this morning after four years of speculating that he will not seek reelection for office in a couple of months from now. It has become evident for Biden that he realized with all the power and adrenochrome he’s harvested over the past four years could not help himself from fighting Father Time, and the inevitable and inconvenient truth that Donald Trump will become our next president again much like how Jesus rose again from the dead. This has been the first policy decision of the Biden administration and/or regime that Bullshit News can agree with.

It’s clear to the American people that Joe Biden and his four years of wrecking havoc on our beloved country, oh so divinely bestowed to us from God and God’s son alone, was not a very popular president. His decision to destroy our economy with stimulus checks and rapid levels of inflation for the past two years and his cowardly abandonment of the Afghanistan people and their quest for democracy against the radical Godless Islamic Barbarian Threat to the world were peak moments of his presidency, a cowardly democrat who wants to break American society and our planet to tyrants. He divided Americans over not loving Israel enough against said Godless Islamic thugs. There was also the whole Ukraine/Russia debacle, but we were not allowed press passages into the USSR to properly provide coverage of the graphic experience. All of this were failures of the Biden Administration, even letting our beloved Jesus Christ down. What a Shameful Man!

It was clear to many Americans at the debate earlier this month that Joe Biden was not mentally ready to face off against a clearly way more fit and patriotic American in Donald Trump, who crushed him by completing about forty more sentences and sounding coherent the entire time. It was clear for Biden that he was not going to win, and decided to “ragequit” (as the kids say these days) the race and let some other Democrat, probably Kamala Harris, to try and pry a victory from their corrupt and lobbyist-infested swampy hands.

Other possible candidates at this point and time are likely to be irrelevant democrats that will be erased by the sands of time. The DNC will continue to scramble for said candidates that are possibly not specifically Kamala Harris to run against her before they officially declare Kamala has the candidate in, let’s say, 2-3 weeks from today. It matters no choice to the DNC nor its voters, for President Trump is ready to win the next election with his plan in Project 2025 to save America from the heathens that want our country to be burned to the ground in the name of “Jihad”.

And I know President Trump is on Jesus’s side, as he invited to Mar-a-Lago for a casual service in 2022. We prayed for his success for reelection and he told me that he saw Jesus about a fortnight ago, and it was at that moment when he talked to Jesus was when he knew he was going to run for office again. And if Jesus could trust Trump, so could I, of course. Jesus talks to us all, but especially United States presidents and Pastors. We are trusted in the responsibilities and powers of Christianity to be leading examples of our nations and communities.

Let today be a victory for the future Trump (re)Administration, and for America as a country! Together we can be united once again in November, with matrimony of Republicanism and the return to Small Government with balanced budgets and zero federal deficits! The anti-Christ will not be return, we must only beat its daughter.

Pastor John Mathewson is Bullshit News’s go-to Pastor, Religion, and Eschatology Correspondent. He accepts people from every denomination and religion into his church, including Sikhs, excluding Lutherans. He has a golden retriever he loves and adores named “Johanna”.

Donald Trump Thwarts Leftist Secret Service Assassination Attempt

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Written By John Kaftan

An evil leftist attempted to assassinate the (soon enough) President of the United States, Donald Trump this afternoon at one of his pep rallies in Butler, Pennsylvania. While the near-tragedy is still under investigation, it is safe to say and assume that one of Joe Biden’s goonish Secret Servicemen were guilty of letting this near-fatal incident to happen. “Sleepy” Joe Biden, the Democrat Party nominee and former Vice President under the Obama Regime, recently had an egregiously atrocious debate against former President Trump last week, and Bullshit News has the inside source that Biden’s numbers after the debate were not looking good for the old man currently vacationing in the White House. Sleepy Joe must have been quite angry in spirit, because one of his defensive henchmen almost let our former President die in the hands of a (as of time of publishing, unknown but very strongly presumably) “woke” leftist antifa-person.

From our intelligence, it seems like it’s a pretty clear case that Mr. Biden and his shadow cabinet of Secret Servicemen were directly responsible for the assassination attempt. Former president Trump has been accused by the leftist media and former ‘Secret Service’ men of improperly charging them exorbitant rates for his own protection. Instead of accepting former President Trump’s premium rates for protecting him in one of the most lavish hotels this side of the Mississippi world, they sought out revenge by typical Federal Government bureaucracy and mis-management. By letting a would-be assassin almost carry out the murder plot, they could look perfectly harmless while committing the very real harm of murdering a US President. Years of verbal and near-physical abuse to Mr. Trump was perhaps one of the main reasons why the Secret Service let a homicidal maniac leftist to nearly kill our beloved President #45 (47?). But these were not the only times the Secret Service had a vendetta to our former president.

One anonymous Secret Servicemen said that President Trump had, “set the SS back 10 years […] The overall culture and way of doing things took a big step back“. Other reporting of Secret Service grievances included that Trump had (somehow) deliberately infected hundreds of SS men with “Coronavirus”, despite the fact that President Trump cured Covid halfway through 2020, as our lives went back to normal later that year. There were also reports that the Secret Service had, at many times, failed to uphold their duty to protect the president by letting a 20-something yuppie roam around the White House for 20 minutes, presumably to look for one of those Work Progress Administration jobs that welfare queens take to steal our taxpayer dollars and waste it on frivolous immorberal goods. Other reports from disgruntled Secret Service men that refused to answer our questions directly, but naturally would answer leftist media‘s questions, stated that the Secret Service has been “cash strapped” since September 11th, 2001. Being a “cash-strapped” organization for over 20 years and supposed misgivings regarding exorbitant hotel rates from a five star hotel owned and operated by Trump and his family is the best plausible explanation as to why the Secret Service did not seem to care or be emotionally moved by Mr. Trump’s near-possible death experience.

As easy it would be to point the blame on our continued existential threat regarding the Godless Islamic Barbarians being the origin of the attempt, there is too much political strife in our America this decade. The evil leftists refuse to concede nor acknowledge the fact that not only do they run the country and our culture, but they are also sick and tired of our beloved former president that is ready to help make America great again, again. The Barbarians are more likely to be focused on trying to save Hamas and Palestine, which can only be saved because of the Biden Administration’s efforts to remove all progress to Middle East peace that President Trump solved in his first administration. Rogue Secret Service actors, of which there are many of them from various alleged grievances, must be the ones responsible. After all, if they actually upheld the duty they are sworn to follow, they would have let the rally go by peacefully (as all of Trump’s rallies do) and nothing of note would have happened other than the 100,000+ devoted followers of Trump being elated by the President and his speeches regarding how he would do such a great job to be President again and finish the job forever in November.

We have no information about the would-be assassin so far in our slow news cycle world. But it’s easy to conclude that they must have been an Antifa member, vetted and approved by the Secret Service to assassinate President Trump. Lone wolf theories are just that—theories. In our incredibly online and digital age, there are no more “lone wolves”. Everyone has a Facebook, and everyone has friends on Facebook, so no one is truly “alone” anymore. No one just dilly-dallies and decides to assassinate the president just because they can or could, there is always an agenda—an agenda that is typically communist and/or leftist. Sometimes both. We here at Bullshit News choose to not pick the blame or fight anyone, we are happy that President Trump is healthy and doing alright after that Antifa/Secret Service conspiracy plot failed spectacularly. May this help galvanize our United States of America to unite together, left, right and center minded people alike, to wake up and realize that Trump will make our country strong again. After all, he narrowly avoided death today while Mr. Biden remains asleep at the wheel of our country hitting a downturn economic drag into an existential oblivion where China and/or Iran runs the world and destroys our valuable US Dollar forever. President Trump is our call for pure unbridled American Freedom, and it’s important to note that we almost lost that today.

John Kaftan is the only child of Don Kaftan, who remains locked up in ADX Florence, Colorado over his alleged involvement in the “January 6th, 2021 incident”. He is currently the Editor-in-Chief of Bullshit News until his father is free. As a “Gen Z”, John understands the youth and engages his free time encouraging his fellow generational cohorts into Republican politics by playing “Minecraft, Roblox, and Fortnite in his spare time while finishing up his degree at Bob Jones University. He is currently applying to Harvard Law School and hopes to become a constitutional lawyer and member of the Federalist Society and Heritage Foundation.

I Was At The January 6th Patriot Rally And This Is My Story

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Written by Don Kaftan, Founder and Editor

January 6th was one of the most important and greatest days of our American Democracy since July 4th, 1776. I had my boots on the ground the represent Bullshit News amongst many other credible media outlets as well as organized non-profits against the injustice that was the inaccurate election results from November 2020. While many in the mainstream media, such as The Blaze and OANN have unjustly condemned patriotic conservatives such as myself and our fellow colleagues like the Oath Keepers and Three Percenters, they have no knowledge to comprehend what actually occurred on that day, where we tried vigorously to restore America back to the good old days, the hard way. The right way.

Forgive my absence from editorializing Bullshit News, I was detained for six months for overtly expressing the pride I have in this God fearing country. I cared enough about the truth, the valid election results that I used my American duties to protest (along with hundreds of thousands of my other fellow patriots that believe in the same cause as we did) and our protest was deemed an “unlawful assembly” by boring obstructionist democrats like Jim Clyburn and Bennie Thompson, which led to what I considered an unlawful detainment, until my case was thrown out by Democrat Party activist Judge Justin Walker before I could even legally defend myself. Now that I’m a free man once again, I’ve seen Biden’s America for the first time in my own eyes, looking in total horror at how much he is blowing the country up, more then anything “unlawful” I ever did on January 6th. But that’s a story for another article.

The mainstream media and partisan lawyers claimed that what my fellow patriots and I were doing “treasonous, secessionist” activities is completely so far and away from the truth, you would think they were covert Biden appointees. Not only was it a guarantee in the Bill of Rights right that President Trump allowed for us to have a protest over the uncertifiable election results, it was our duty, beyond all obligations, to protest this injustice.. When a president calls for a country to take action, then it is our duty as American citizens to listen and take charge. There is nothing unlawful about that at all, unless you’re in the pockets of Judge Justin Walker, in which case you have the apparent leeway to jail whoever you consider a, “threat to civil society”.

I was merely one person in a crowd of hundreds of thousands, and yet I was detained as “a questionable influence to the crowd in inciting violence and recklessness”. I did no such thing. I was no leader that day, I was a small actor (if anything) of patriotic heartland mobilizers, that guided us from President Trump to deliver his divine doctrine. If what we were doing was truly “unlawful”, the National Guard or the Military would have stopped us from protesting to begin with. No one can argue against the Military and their desire to protect us from evil Islamic Barbarian terrorists, and thankfully President Trump told them to not get involved because they have greater priorities. There was nothing at all to indicate anything we did that day was illegal, immoral or otherwise unacceptable nor unethical. We were doing our civil duty as instructed by President Trump. We were always in the right.

I didn’t even get a pretrial hearing, I was merely detained for six months for following the President’s organized orders to rebel against an unlawful counting and assembly of ballots Many of which could have been tampered with via voter fraud. Some leftists would cry and say this would be a violation of my rights, but I disagree. I fulfilled a moral duty, so I know what I did is morally just in spite of our perfect legal system. Sometimes you are a cog, like I was, but then you come back out a new and changed person for the better. I have no complaints on how I was treated, nothing illegal happened unlike what critics say, but the food could be better.

I was released from Jail after six months, coming out as even more patriotic then I ever was on January Sixth and from my humble beginnings as an intern at the National Review. I realized the error of my ways that day, that I could have done more to help out our country in a manner that wouldn’t include a pretrial detention or more written essays on the old world wide web. I took action that day with my fellow Americans that saw the injustice that was the robbery of the 2020 Presidential Election. I learned that I needed to do more, post more, and mobilize more in person about how this country was stolen from us by liberals that want everyone to do these “TikTok dances” and eat non-GMO vegetables for our “societal sanity”. And what’s this now about Cheeseburgers? It’s sickening how much worse the world is today from where we all were on 1/6.

From my absence, I can tell that the world is getting far worse under a Biden Administration then it ever did under President Trump’s reign. I apologize on behalf of Bullshit News for the lack of updates thus far in 2021, my pretrial six month detention did not help much, but I will reassure you all that I am a freeman. My “case” was dismissed and that is all I am legally required to talk about on that matter. We will do our part at Bullshit News to restore sanity and bring conservatism back to the White House with more information from our inside sources as well as our honorable outside writers as well.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. Don has actively helped spread his conservative messages across the net for over 20 years!

Bullshit News Calls For Trump Victory In Re-election Bid

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written By Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder

With more than a million votes already cast for the election on November 3rd, Bullshit News has decided to be the first past the post in calling the election for Donald Trump’s second term. The votes are still coming in, but aren’t needed to determine who really wins the presidency. Deep down inside, millions and millions of Americans have the cold reassurance that President Trump has succeeded so much in his first term that he has earned his second term regardless of what “polling” and “democratic institutions” say otherwise. For a man who donated all of his Presidential salary to charity and regularly smiles at orphan children, he has already created a legacy to last for generations. But take it from his politics, not his personality.

It’s evident that Donald Trump has been America’s most popular and successful president. He’s given more media attention than any other president before him, and for a good reason: he’s enacted many reforms and other popular legislation to make American lives easier and free from the inequities of the Obama regime. President Trump has, to keep it brief: ended America’s long terrible history of racism, cured an otherwise evil socialist virus meant to take him out, ended the Democratic Party’s spread of opioids to kill Republicans and fellow real working class American people, brought Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Barrett on to the Supreme Court, further helping America’s problems with understand what the founders of the country wanted for America, saved Thanksgiving and Christmas, among countless other activities President Trump has been busy in restoring America back to the greatness it once was but yet still always was originally.

Joe Biden is a disgraceful “man” who does not deserve the dignity to be in the White House and to claim himself as president. He is the anti-christ, and his vice-presidential pick in Kamala Harris is also a countess for evil socialism. The Democratic Party is trying to deceive the American people into believing that there could be a better alternative to President Trump by inventing these two politicians to lie on the behalf of the American people about policies they don’t support and pledging action that they will not finish. They will only leave behind more political messes and scandals, while actively making this country look weak to the eyes of China or the newest evil godless Islamic barbarian country that is waiting to strike us. It can only make sense that President Trump can save our country from such evil extremes, inside and outside the country.

Therefore, we at Bullshit News find it simple to declare President Trump the definitive winner of the 2020 Election before Election Day. The results are merely a ploy, everyone understands that President Trump has been far more than qualified to lead a second term, as nearly every president since 1992 was given this compromise, even the evil Barack Obama regime followed this protocol. So a reelection bid is far more than useless, it is a waste of President Trump’s time to deal with such bureaucratic formalities like the 2020 election. The United States of America needs to move forward, so let us all start working for President Trump for the next four years, today!


Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

Do We Really Need An Election?

~ DonKaftan ~ 1 Comment

Written by Dan Shapiro

It’s almost October, and soon it will be one of the most important days of any day of any country on Earth, Election Day. Once a long held tradition created to bestow a proper successor to George Washington, many on the intellectual side of the globe in America have felt that elections have been antiquated for the past 30 or so years. Once an established part of a robust Democratic system, it is rife with fraudulent voters, mailing errors, and other Democratic Party obstructions designed to rig a once perfectly run system. With the polls so high in President Trump’s favor, one can argue this upcoming election will be purely for show and have no meaning or luster that it once had. It’s time to abolish elections.

Elections used to be meaningful competitions between Democrats and Whigs, Democrat Republicans vs. Know-Nothings until after the War of Northern Aggression has lead us to the same Democrat vs. Republican in the battle of evil vs good for the past 170 years. The plotlines have remained largely the same, the GOP pulls out one of their best and finest leaders while the Democrats go to hell and back to pick a nefarious person that aligns best with their ideology against faith and the ordinary American citizen. Hillary Clinton, the previous nominee before admitted anti-Christ Joe Biden, was a woman created out of scorn and villainy that could only be designed by the most nefarious lobbyists and evil fascist masterminds that control the strings of the Democrat Party. Now that the American people fully understand that the Republican Party is by their side and the Democrats are filled with nepotism and wasteful government spending, their days are finished.

Elections nowadays are a broken system, the Democrats insist that the Electoral College, an institution almost as old and precious as our country, should be replaced with a “popular vote system”, a system designed by 6 year olds who fight to get their favorite candy in their kindergarten classrooms. America cannot have a president that is directly elected without states interfering, for that would break a tradition long held to preserve the special status that comes with presidency. Should America try and establish this dim-witted ‘popular vote’ system, then anyone could win the presidency. Democrats would shove their fictitious Al Gore presidency without any reprimanding. They would eliminate checks and balances and turn America into a fascist state. The ‘popular vote’ theory does not include anything more simple than just counting up votes. There’s got to be more to it for an election result to happen. Simplicity leads to the worst results, and we cannot have mathematical errors that result from it to give us answers.

The Electoral College does its job very well, it is a scientific formula created by the Founders of our country designed to run elections efficiently without simplicity. The Founders did not want any commoner to win an election by picking their own name and getting elected without any vetting. There were too many “Adam Smiths” of that time period, and if all of them started to write their own name in the election instead of picking the aligned-two or three candidates to vote for, we would have too many “Adam Smiths” as president. Thus, all of the founders of the country had to meet again at a bar (it was the style at the time) and formally decide how the presidency and line of succession worked.

And all of this leads us to today, about a month and a week or so until the pointless 2020 election. Trump has been commanding the polls since Biden came out of Delaware with black smoke that inaugurated him as the Democratic Party’s nominee. President Trump has already accomplished more than many presidents could think of in four years: he ended racism, appointed Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, and found and condemned the evil Obamagate that was infesting the country. Oh and by the way, he streamlined the cure to the possibly fictional Covid-19 outbreak created by the Bernie Sanders campaign. It’s like Democrats don’t even want to go through an election with a man that phenomenal of a resume. So the Democrats should let it go this year, and perhaps maybe forever, and just let Trump finish painting his masterpiece.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on GOP Politics, the 2020 presidential elections, and Iran. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “own” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.

Joe Biden Is Using Illegal Hispanic Immigrants To Vote For Him

~ DonKaftan ~ 2 Comments

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

As we move closer and closer towards the unneeded 2020 Presidential Election, we must be reminded that the Democrat Party have routinely tried to artificially inflate the number of voters they receive in order to cheat the real hard-working God-fearing American people from getting the Republican president they deserve. As per tradition, the Democrat Party is at it again, with much more desperation then they ever have needed before. So it should come to no surprise that Democrat Party nominee Joe Biden is receiving an influx of help from the “Hispanics” from the island of “Mexico” to help vote for him.

Bullshit News has already discussed at-length the evil and callous nature of the anti-christ and his co-star, who wish to seek vengeance against the American people for trying to work their hard-earned 9-5 jobs. They understand they don’t have the number of votes needed to win almost every state except for Sodom and California, so they must rely on these “Hispanics“, a fancy sociological word for illegal immigrants, to vote in-mass for them. Knowing that Americans can only have one vote, but Hispanics can vote as often as they want, Biden and his base understand the only way to win is to cheat. The Biden campaign aims to airlift as many Hispanics from Hispaniola and the Isle of Mexico onto as many states as possible to vote for him, as much as 128 times. They are fearless cretins who will check mark Joe Biden 1,000 times despite that massive benefits the Trump Administration has given to their people.

This disgusting act of political heresy is nothing new in the tradition of Democratic Party politics. Democrats in the past have been able to capture illegal people to vote illegally in order to cheat a legitimate aspect of our noble political structure. The electoral college is one of the oldest institutions in our Democracy that exists for the purpose of counting every ballot and sending it up to the sky to God for verification that these people all exist, and which states will “win the votes”. Now God is an old man, still wise but yet still very old. His judgement hasn’t been the same since his son was killed by the Jerry Garcia. Nevertheless he can’t be wrong because he is all-knowing and omniscient and whatnot. God doesn’t know the difference between an “American voter” who can only vote once and the ill “Hispanic voter” that can vote as many times as they need. There is significant concern that God will just permit these “Hispanic voters” and the results could be disastrous for our democracy.

Nevertheless, no amount of Hispanics will impede a determined President Trump from saving America from the bureaucracy of an election. But to see the Democrats using dirty cheap tricks being done dirt cheap is another sign that we are in the right ethically. If the Democrats lose with their “surplus of voters”, they will riot and commit wrath of such high level that the results can be drastic. The influx of the Hispanic voters being parachuted into the election should not be enough to guarantee a Biden victory, but it can guarantee some unfortunate and unneeded suspense on Election Day.

What can you, the conscientious and intelligent reader, do about this? Well it’s easy, you need to vote. Even if you can’t vote a million times like a parachuting Mexican, your vote will still matter. No matter the outcome, whether Trump wins and Biden loses or Biden wins and Trump loses, the Democrats had to cheat to get there. There is nothing the Democratic Party does that is legal and legitimate that gives them power. They are hungry for nothing but relentless bureaucracy and tax increases. They want YOU to have less money and Trump wants to help you. Any real American knows that the choice is clear, and that anyone voting for that anti-christ infidel is a vote for treason.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.