RUMOR: President Trump To Issue Executive Order To Turn Grand Canyon Into Multiple Golf Courses And Five-Star Resorts

Written by Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

Citing internal sources within the White House, President Trump has declared he is tired of the eyesore that is the Grand Canyon (located somewhere in Arizona) and would desire one of America’s formerly great national parks would be better suited for golfers rather than “the mole people” that live in the region along with the “amount of Natives waiting to make a profit off their land.” These comments were leaked to the media by the far-left Mainstream Media operatives known as the “Daily Caller”.

President Trump held a rally nearby the Grand Canyon in Flagstaff, AZ where he further elaborated his comments to high praise, “Have you seen the Grand Canyon? It’s such an eyesore, there’s nothing to do. It’s not like Lake Tahoe with their geysers and those deer with antlers that roam around freely on to traffic then BAM! Lots of blood, blood was everywhere in fact. So gruesome yet thrilling. Much better looking than Janet Reno.”

The Grand Canyon is a national landmark that is 277-mile long canyon and 18 miles wide which, like Canada, is a barren wasteland that has no natural resources to squander for. President Trump is correct in his assertions, as there is nothing useful about the land the Grand Canyon currently occupies, it could be improved by adding in a five-star hotel, a couple of resorts, 3-5 golf courses, maybe a mini-golf resort and movie theater for the kids, and perhaps a few Bed and Breakfasts for the impoverished travelers. All of these ideas won’t cover the entire Grand Canyon, but it’s a fresh start to what’s already not there. Arizona can certainly use the money to fund the border and by executing this gameplan, they can make money back on it too.

Many Democrats and African-American Supremacists have opposed this plan, calling it “unnatural” to make capitalism happen in one of the most boring places on Earth, let alone in the United States of America. Enron and Shell cannot do anything in the region for there is no oil to extract, and the coal industry in America is not strong enough in Arizona to justify more coal plants in the region. The next best thing is to make the area as luxurious as possible, for the Grand Canyon now is just a waste of real estate that would be in better hands of the Trump Administration and not some burrower humans.

It’s high time for Arizona to step up their GDP and prove to be a state that cares for Americans and doesn’t get sucked up by the liberal left coast corruption that is Washington, Oregon, and California. If Trump has considered selling Alaska to cut off the national debt, then major Grand Canyon modifications are also strongly possible. Aside from being a border state meant to protect us from them, Arizona can improve in many ways and cutting their losses with the so-called “Grand Canyon” would be the best way to start helping Make America Great Again. Let us commend President Trump for his bold, brave and modestly unconventional ventures to improve our country and make us dominant in the world’s affairs once again.

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.

Bullshit News Stands For The Trump Administration’s Valient Efforts To Shut Down Government

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief, and Founder

In 2013, a young and fresh face arose from the Senate under the Barack Obama regime to tell King Obama that he doesn’t have the luxury and privilege to use the government’s money as he pleases. That young kid with the audacity to challenge the king was Ted Cruz, his first of many moves in his future as a leader of the Republican Party. But as A Hero’s Story goes, the youth and inexperience lose to the tyrannical dictator, and the government shut down was averted after reasonable accommodations were met. Still, the fact that a battle occurred was a victory that was much needed for the Republican Party for the time.

And now another clash is happening in our Game of Thrones.

The Democratic Party had enough shocking victories in November to reclaim the House of Representatives, which is not the Senate. When the white smoke cleared, Nancy Pelosi surprisingly reclaimed the gavel and began her reign of terror by refusing to listen to the president and his accommodations to fund the government for the fiscal year. Perhaps what is most emphasized by the mainstream media is that Nancy Pelosi and her buddy Chuck Schumer from the Senate will not support the president’s funding for The Wall, a protection device that prevents invaders from trying to conquer American territory.  Some view the wall as unnecessary, as Mexico is too drugged out to organize an army to even attack Florida! But protection is better than no protection at all, and at Bullshit News we prefer to keep it safe so a wall sounds fine and dandy. Hell, The Wall sounds pretty necessary given that we cannot trust the outside world to make decisions about America for us.

Nancy Pelosi is a far more fearsome and sinister figure to lead the otherwise dim-witted and self-defeating Democrats and their efforts to rule the free world. She is fine with millions upon millions of workers that vote for her and her party to work without pay and jeopardize their lives in exchange for power. She is ruthless and willing to get what she wants whereas Schumer just wants to eat the same sandwich at the same deli every day for the past 36 some-odd years and is content with not getting what he wants because he expects it–a typical Democrat. Nancy will find a way to get what she wants, and that’s not how the Republican Party operates. So Donald Trump has refused to budge to Nancy’s plans like a tough and confident president.

Donald Trump, a follower in Reagan’s light as a man dedicated to limited government and a balanced budget, has been prepared for this fight. President Trump declared that the shut down can last months and perhaps even years too.

This shook Pelosi. She wasn’t even thinking about the shutdown lasting two weeks!

The current government shut down is now the longest in American history, another terrific accomplishment from the Trump Administration! As the government is stripped to its core and begins to work as Hayek intended, real textbook conservatism will finally have the opportunity to flourish despite (or cause of) Nancy Pelosi’s attempts to intervene what a limited government is all about. Donald Trump has achieved Ayn Rand’s dream, and it could not have happened without the Democratic Party, oddly enough.

From Trump’s bold unwavering stance on The Wall, the Republican Party’s founding ideals are finally in fruition. The government funding is entirely stripped down for only essential purposes and the budget has been minimized enough for it to be a non-factor. If Pelosi wants her posse union to have jobs, she will allow the wall to be funded. That’s the name of the game at this point, and Pelosi has refused to cross the picket line for a bipartisan agreement. But even if Pelosi and the Democan’ts agree to portions of the bill, or more unlikely the entire bill, Trump will have the final say.  And if President Trump doesn’t get what he wants, the shutdown will continue. The Democrats tried to catch Trump’s gambit on day one of their reign of the House, and like typical Democrats, they fail at every pursuit of success and personal achievement.

You may hear from mainstream media sources that some government workers will not receive their paychecks because of the government shut down, which is absurdly false. Slavery was banned in the 15th Amendment after the War of Northern Aggression, these workers are getting paid in terms of liberty and being free from government control, a wage means nothing after that point. True emancipation requires some sacrifices and in the “emergency” of a government shutdown, those sacrifices are easily met. There should be no more worrying about this media manufactured falsehood. There are no starving families in the United States, and there will not be one more food insecure family because of the shutdown.

No one, including President Trump, is sure when the government shut down will end. But we should all take a moment to cherish this blessed record-breaking event to happen in our lifetime. Knowing Trump, he could break a record like this again next year but for now, we’ll have to wait and see.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.