Bullshit News Calls For Trump Victory In Re-election Bid

Written By Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief and Founder

With more than a million votes already cast for the election on November 3rd, Bullshit News has decided to be the first past the post in calling the election for Donald Trump’s second term. The votes are still coming in, but aren’t needed to determine who really wins the presidency. Deep down inside, millions and millions of Americans have the cold reassurance that President Trump has succeeded so much in his first term that he has earned his second term regardless of what “polling” and “democratic institutions” say otherwise. For a man who donated all of his Presidential salary to charity and regularly smiles at orphan children, he has already created a legacy to last for generations. But take it from his politics, not his personality.

It’s evident that Donald Trump has been America’s most popular and successful president. He’s given more media attention than any other president before him, and for a good reason: he’s enacted many reforms and other popular legislation to make American lives easier and free from the inequities of the Obama regime. President Trump has, to keep it brief: ended America’s long terrible history of racism, cured an otherwise evil socialist virus meant to take him out, ended the Democratic Party’s spread of opioids to kill Republicans and fellow real working class American people, brought Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Barrett on to the Supreme Court, further helping America’s problems with understand what the founders of the country wanted for America, saved Thanksgiving and Christmas, among countless other activities President Trump has been busy in restoring America back to the greatness it once was but yet still always was originally.

Joe Biden is a disgraceful “man” who does not deserve the dignity to be in the White House and to claim himself as president. He is the anti-christ, and his vice-presidential pick in Kamala Harris is also a countess for evil socialism. The Democratic Party is trying to deceive the American people into believing that there could be a better alternative to President Trump by inventing these two politicians to lie on the behalf of the American people about policies they don’t support and pledging action that they will not finish. They will only leave behind more political messes and scandals, while actively making this country look weak to the eyes of China or the newest evil godless Islamic barbarian country that is waiting to strike us. It can only make sense that President Trump can save our country from such evil extremes, inside and outside the country.

Therefore, we at Bullshit News find it simple to declare President Trump the definitive winner of the 2020 Election before Election Day. The results are merely a ploy, everyone understands that President Trump has been far more than qualified to lead a second term, as nearly every president since 1992 was given this compromise, even the evil Barack Obama regime followed this protocol. So a reelection bid is far more than useless, it is a waste of President Trump’s time to deal with such bureaucratic formalities like the 2020 election. The United States of America needs to move forward, so let us all start working for President Trump for the next four years, today!


Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan’s resume was rejected from Fox News, which ignited the fire for Don to start Bullshitnews.org and spread his message of conservatism to everyone beyond the electromagnetic spectrum. 

Do We Really Need An Election?

Written by Dan Shapiro

It’s almost October, and soon it will be one of the most important days of any day of any country on Earth, Election Day. Once a long held tradition created to bestow a proper successor to George Washington, many on the intellectual side of the globe in America have felt that elections have been antiquated for the past 30 or so years. Once an established part of a robust Democratic system, it is rife with fraudulent voters, mailing errors, and other Democratic Party obstructions designed to rig a once perfectly run system. With the polls so high in President Trump’s favor, one can argue this upcoming election will be purely for show and have no meaning or luster that it once had. It’s time to abolish elections.

Elections used to be meaningful competitions between Democrats and Whigs, Democrat Republicans vs. Know-Nothings until after the War of Northern Aggression has lead us to the same Democrat vs. Republican in the battle of evil vs good for the past 170 years. The plotlines have remained largely the same, the GOP pulls out one of their best and finest leaders while the Democrats go to hell and back to pick a nefarious person that aligns best with their ideology against faith and the ordinary American citizen. Hillary Clinton, the previous nominee before admitted anti-Christ Joe Biden, was a woman created out of scorn and villainy that could only be designed by the most nefarious lobbyists and evil fascist masterminds that control the strings of the Democrat Party. Now that the American people fully understand that the Republican Party is by their side and the Democrats are filled with nepotism and wasteful government spending, their days are finished.

Elections nowadays are a broken system, the Democrats insist that the Electoral College, an institution almost as old and precious as our country, should be replaced with a “popular vote system”, a system designed by 6 year olds who fight to get their favorite candy in their kindergarten classrooms. America cannot have a president that is directly elected without states interfering, for that would break a tradition long held to preserve the special status that comes with presidency. Should America try and establish this dim-witted ‘popular vote’ system, then anyone could win the presidency. Democrats would shove their fictitious Al Gore presidency without any reprimanding. They would eliminate checks and balances and turn America into a fascist state. The ‘popular vote’ theory does not include anything more simple than just counting up votes. There’s got to be more to it for an election result to happen. Simplicity leads to the worst results, and we cannot have mathematical errors that result from it to give us answers.

The Electoral College does its job very well, it is a scientific formula created by the Founders of our country designed to run elections efficiently without simplicity. The Founders did not want any commoner to win an election by picking their own name and getting elected without any vetting. There were too many “Adam Smiths” of that time period, and if all of them started to write their own name in the election instead of picking the aligned-two or three candidates to vote for, we would have too many “Adam Smiths” as president. Thus, all of the founders of the country had to meet again at a bar (it was the style at the time) and formally decide how the presidency and line of succession worked.

And all of this leads us to today, about a month and a week or so until the pointless 2020 election. Trump has been commanding the polls since Biden came out of Delaware with black smoke that inaugurated him as the Democratic Party’s nominee. President Trump has already accomplished more than many presidents could think of in four years: he ended racism, appointed Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, and found and condemned the evil Obamagate that was infesting the country. Oh and by the way, he streamlined the cure to the possibly fictional Covid-19 outbreak created by the Bernie Sanders campaign. It’s like Democrats don’t even want to go through an election with a man that phenomenal of a resume. So the Democrats should let it go this year, and perhaps maybe forever, and just let Trump finish painting his masterpiece.

Dan Shapiro is the Bullshit News correspondent on GOP Politics, the 2020 presidential elections, and Iran. Dan went to Yale and graduated at the top of his class stemming from his charming wit and intellectual knowledge about political issues. Dan Shapiro is best known to “own” liberals with his vast and mighty big brain. He lives in New York City and talks in 90dB SPL.

Joe Biden Is Using Illegal Hispanic Immigrants To Vote For Him

Written by Mortimer E. Wallecaster

As we move closer and closer towards the unneeded 2020 Presidential Election, we must be reminded that the Democrat Party have routinely tried to artificially inflate the number of voters they receive in order to cheat the real hard-working God-fearing American people from getting the Republican president they deserve. As per tradition, the Democrat Party is at it again, with much more desperation then they ever have needed before. So it should come to no surprise that Democrat Party nominee Joe Biden is receiving an influx of help from the “Hispanics” from the island of “Mexico” to help vote for him.

Bullshit News has already discussed at-length the evil and callous nature of the anti-christ and his co-star, who wish to seek vengeance against the American people for trying to work their hard-earned 9-5 jobs. They understand they don’t have the number of votes needed to win almost every state except for Sodom and California, so they must rely on these “Hispanics“, a fancy sociological word for illegal immigrants, to vote in-mass for them. Knowing that Americans can only have one vote, but Hispanics can vote as often as they want, Biden and his base understand the only way to win is to cheat. The Biden campaign aims to airlift as many Hispanics from Hispaniola and the Isle of Mexico onto as many states as possible to vote for him, as much as 128 times. They are fearless cretins who will check mark Joe Biden 1,000 times despite that massive benefits the Trump Administration has given to their people.

This disgusting act of political heresy is nothing new in the tradition of Democratic Party politics. Democrats in the past have been able to capture illegal people to vote illegally in order to cheat a legitimate aspect of our noble political structure. The electoral college is one of the oldest institutions in our Democracy that exists for the purpose of counting every ballot and sending it up to the sky to God for verification that these people all exist, and which states will “win the votes”. Now God is an old man, still wise but yet still very old. His judgement hasn’t been the same since his son was killed by the Jerry Garcia. Nevertheless he can’t be wrong because he is all-knowing and omniscient and whatnot. God doesn’t know the difference between an “American voter” who can only vote once and the ill “Hispanic voter” that can vote as many times as they need. There is significant concern that God will just permit these “Hispanic voters” and the results could be disastrous for our democracy.

Nevertheless, no amount of Hispanics will impede a determined President Trump from saving America from the bureaucracy of an election. But to see the Democrats using dirty cheap tricks being done dirt cheap is another sign that we are in the right ethically. If the Democrats lose with their “surplus of voters”, they will riot and commit wrath of such high level that the results can be drastic. The influx of the Hispanic voters being parachuted into the election should not be enough to guarantee a Biden victory, but it can guarantee some unfortunate and unneeded suspense on Election Day.

What can you, the conscientious and intelligent reader, do about this? Well it’s easy, you need to vote. Even if you can’t vote a million times like a parachuting Mexican, your vote will still matter. No matter the outcome, whether Trump wins and Biden loses or Biden wins and Trump loses, the Democrats had to cheat to get there. There is nothing the Democratic Party does that is legal and legitimate that gives them power. They are hungry for nothing but relentless bureaucracy and tax increases. They want YOU to have less money and Trump wants to help you. Any real American knows that the choice is clear, and that anyone voting for that anti-christ infidel is a vote for treason.

Mortimer E. Wallacaster is the Bullshit News correspondent on history and contemporary cultural matters. He is a retired risk analyst from Goldman Sachs, and is loving retirement and every minute of it! Born under a full moon on June 26th, 1913, Mortimer has lived through two World Wars, and the Middle East thing that’s been happening over the years. Mortimer was once a minor league pitcher for the Boston Beaneaters and threw 47 complete games in a month allowing only nine earned runs.

President Trump Cures Opioid Epidemic

Written by Dr. Steven T. Clements, Esq

As an occasional lawyer and part-time doctor, I understand how truly catastrophic the Opioid epidemic can be, taking away the lives of many red, white and blue-blooded Republican Americans from living the hearts out. The science back in the day was dominated by leftists from Germany that pretended to be from Berkeley, they didn’t know anything. Those scientists said that opioids were good and are good for “pain-relief”. Those hippie liberals believe any drug is a good drug, and that “pain-relief” is a cure for internal problems the human body can’t solve like cancer, internal bleeding, or having Frog Person DNA. But from new studies about the opioid crisis (ethical disclaimer: I was a researcher of these studies), we have learned that opioid addictions will now become a thing of the past.

I am not from the medical school of Politico, I went to the Alpert Medical School at Brown University. But I will use the principle of charity here and assume they are very well-endowed and intelligent people. Because of their study, the Department of Health and Human Services has declared the opioid epidemic a closed case. HHS Secretary Alex Azar has gone on the record to say, “I’m happy to go on the record and say that a once major bummer in American society, is like totally done for. The man on the phone told me not to re-sign the paperwork that said it was a crisis because it wasn’t a big deal anymore. The man on the phone, Dr. Richard Sackler, said that he has everything under control. I trust his judgment and good character.”

Those intolerant bigots of the liberal mainstream media machine of injustice might have reported this as news with the bias of saying that Alex “Always A-Game” Azar had “forgotten to renew the proper paperwork”, but this framing implies that paperwork had to be done. It doesn’t have to, what significance can an easily crumbled up piece of paper really have in our society? Especially in regard to public health, Just look around your neighborhood, do you see anyone doing opioids? Since none of you said yes, you can tell that President Trump has worked on the issue long enough for the problem to mostly go away. And if we can sleep peacefully at night because of that fact, then that paperwork truly meant nothing after all.

Now that the Opioid epidemic is over, much like racism, America can now focus on bigger and better things like funding the military, ending the abortion movement once and for all, or best of all, re-election for this upcoming year. All of which is more important to focus on then our ever-loving and the depressingly eternal war on drugs (minus opioids). Another victory for Trump is a victory for us all, and a greater chance to ensure his second term that he deserves for caring the extra mile about our American people. While America has many other needs to attend to, today is a day for celebration that will be remembered for generations to come as America no longer has a problem with regards to opioids. Hurra!

 
Dr. Steven Clements, Esquire is Bullshit News’s legal scholar and works as a property management expert witness for a side-gig. He spent a long time in college and law school to be properly educated about serious subjects like tax codes and property law-related subjects like privacy and water slippages. After law school, he decided he wanted to learn more about life and became a doctor in medicine. He is a lifelong member of the Federalist Society and the National Rifle Association.

RUMOR: President Trump To Issue Executive Order To Turn Grand Canyon Into Multiple Golf Courses And Five-Star Resorts

Written by Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq

Citing internal sources within the White House, President Trump has declared he is tired of the eyesore that is the Grand Canyon (located somewhere in Arizona) and would desire one of America’s formerly great national parks would be better suited for golfers rather than “the mole people” that live in the region along with the “amount of Natives waiting to make a profit off their land.” These comments were leaked to the media by the far-left Mainstream Media operatives known as the “Daily Caller”.

President Trump held a rally nearby the Grand Canyon in Flagstaff, AZ where he further elaborated his comments to high praise, “Have you seen the Grand Canyon? It’s such an eyesore, there’s nothing to do. It’s not like Lake Tahoe with their geysers and those deer with antlers that roam around freely on to traffic then BAM! Lots of blood, blood was everywhere in fact. So gruesome yet thrilling. Much better looking than Janet Reno.”

The Grand Canyon is a national landmark that is 277-mile long canyon and 18 miles wide which, like Canada, is a barren wasteland that has no natural resources to squander for. President Trump is correct in his assertions, as there is nothing useful about the land the Grand Canyon currently occupies, it could be improved by adding in a five-star hotel, a couple of resorts, 3-5 golf courses, maybe a mini-golf resort and movie theater for the kids, and perhaps a few Bed and Breakfasts for the impoverished travelers. All of these ideas won’t cover the entire Grand Canyon, but it’s a fresh start to what’s already not there. Arizona can certainly use the money to fund the border and by executing this gameplan, they can make money back on it too.

Many Democrats and African-American Supremacists have opposed this plan, calling it “unnatural” to make capitalism happen in one of the most boring places on Earth, let alone in the United States of America. Enron and Shell cannot do anything in the region for there is no oil to extract, and the coal industry in America is not strong enough in Arizona to justify more coal plants in the region. The next best thing is to make the area as luxurious as possible, for the Grand Canyon now is just a waste of real estate that would be in better hands of the Trump Administration and not some burrower humans.

It’s high time for Arizona to step up their GDP and prove to be a state that cares for Americans and doesn’t get sucked up by the liberal left coast corruption that is Washington, Oregon, and California. If Trump has considered selling Alaska to cut off the national debt, then major Grand Canyon modifications are also strongly possible. Aside from being a border state meant to protect us from them, Arizona can improve in many ways and cutting their losses with the so-called “Grand Canyon” would be the best way to start helping Make America Great Again. Let us commend President Trump for his bold, brave and modestly unconventional ventures to improve our country and make us dominant in the world’s affairs once again.

Dr. Seabass T. Gorka, Esq is the Bullshit News historian and correspondent for black supremacy extremist groups. He has had a storied career reporting on European Affairs from Hungary and is the number one expert on extremism across the globe. Bullshit News is excited for his well-endowed knowledge on extremism, and its relation to liberalism. He earned his Ph.D. in Prague and became a lawyer in America. He is a naturalized citizen of the United States and resides in Houston with his dog, Jefferey.

Bullshit News Stands For The Trump Administration’s Valient Efforts To Shut Down Government

Written by Don Kaftan, Editor-In-Chief, and Founder

In 2013, a young and fresh face arose from the Senate under the Barack Obama regime to tell King Obama that he doesn’t have the luxury and privilege to use the government’s money as he pleases. That young kid with the audacity to challenge the king was Ted Cruz, his first of many moves in his future as a leader of the Republican Party. But as A Hero’s Story goes, the youth and inexperience lose to the tyrannical dictator, and the government shut down was averted after reasonable accommodations were met. Still, the fact that a battle occurred was a victory that was much needed for the Republican Party for the time.

And now another clash is happening in our Game of Thrones.

The Democratic Party had enough shocking victories in November to reclaim the House of Representatives, which is not the Senate. When the white smoke cleared, Nancy Pelosi surprisingly reclaimed the gavel and began her reign of terror by refusing to listen to the president and his accommodations to fund the government for the fiscal year. Perhaps what is most emphasized by the mainstream media is that Nancy Pelosi and her buddy Chuck Schumer from the Senate will not support the president’s funding for The Wall, a protection device that prevents invaders from trying to conquer American territory.  Some view the wall as unnecessary, as Mexico is too drugged out to organize an army to even attack Florida! But protection is better than no protection at all, and at Bullshit News we prefer to keep it safe so a wall sounds fine and dandy. Hell, The Wall sounds pretty necessary given that we cannot trust the outside world to make decisions about America for us.

Nancy Pelosi is a far more fearsome and sinister figure to lead the otherwise dim-witted and self-defeating Democrats and their efforts to rule the free world. She is fine with millions upon millions of workers that vote for her and her party to work without pay and jeopardize their lives in exchange for power. She is ruthless and willing to get what she wants whereas Schumer just wants to eat the same sandwich at the same deli every day for the past 36 some-odd years and is content with not getting what he wants because he expects it–a typical Democrat. Nancy will find a way to get what she wants, and that’s not how the Republican Party operates. So Donald Trump has refused to budge to Nancy’s plans like a tough and confident president.

Donald Trump, a follower in Reagan’s light as a man dedicated to limited government and a balanced budget, has been prepared for this fight. President Trump declared that the shut down can last months and perhaps even years too.

This shook Pelosi. She wasn’t even thinking about the shutdown lasting two weeks!

The current government shut down is now the longest in American history, another terrific accomplishment from the Trump Administration! As the government is stripped to its core and begins to work as Hayek intended, real textbook conservatism will finally have the opportunity to flourish despite (or cause of) Nancy Pelosi’s attempts to intervene what a limited government is all about. Donald Trump has achieved Ayn Rand’s dream, and it could not have happened without the Democratic Party, oddly enough.

From Trump’s bold unwavering stance on The Wall, the Republican Party’s founding ideals are finally in fruition. The government funding is entirely stripped down for only essential purposes and the budget has been minimized enough for it to be a non-factor. If Pelosi wants her posse union to have jobs, she will allow the wall to be funded. That’s the name of the game at this point, and Pelosi has refused to cross the picket line for a bipartisan agreement. But even if Pelosi and the Democan’ts agree to portions of the bill, or more unlikely the entire bill, Trump will have the final say.  And if President Trump doesn’t get what he wants, the shutdown will continue. The Democrats tried to catch Trump’s gambit on day one of their reign of the House, and like typical Democrats, they fail at every pursuit of success and personal achievement.

You may hear from mainstream media sources that some government workers will not receive their paychecks because of the government shut down, which is absurdly false. Slavery was banned in the 15th Amendment after the War of Northern Aggression, these workers are getting paid in terms of liberty and being free from government control, a wage means nothing after that point. True emancipation requires some sacrifices and in the “emergency” of a government shutdown, those sacrifices are easily met. There should be no more worrying about this media manufactured falsehood. There are no starving families in the United States, and there will not be one more food insecure family because of the shutdown.

No one, including President Trump, is sure when the government shut down will end. But we should all take a moment to cherish this blessed record-breaking event to happen in our lifetime. Knowing Trump, he could break a record like this again next year but for now, we’ll have to wait and see.

Don Kaftan is the founder of Bullshitnews.org.  He specializes in Mainstream Media Criticism, Foreign Policy, and Presidential Administrations. Don Kaftan was mentioned on William F. Buckley’s deathbed as future conservatives that speak the most truth to power. Don considers this to be the highest honor in the world after being married to his wife and being born into this world by the grace of God.